1
00:01:27,540 --> 00:01:31,830
For one thousand centuries...

2
00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:36,990
the Falafel family has ruled
the deserts with one thing:

3
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,740
Speed!

4
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:43,330
We have the fastest camels
and the fastest horses!

5
00:01:43,410 --> 00:01:46,290
Now, due to...

6
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:49,990
you know what...

7
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:54,740
we have the fastest planes...

8
00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:58,330
the fastest boats
and the fastest cars!

9
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,870
Except for one: yours!

10
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:06,040
Last year I sent you
to America for one simple task.

11
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,830
So simple.

12
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:12,240
To emblazon the Falafel name
as the fastest in the world

13
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:16,120
by winning the Cannonball Run.

14
00:02:16,830 --> 00:02:19,740
And you... failed!

15
00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:24,870
-A thousand thanks!
-But Lion of the deserts...

16
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,240
King of Kings...

17
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:33,160
-Pop!
-No excuses, you son of my ugliest wife!

18
00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:38,660
A thousand thanks!

19
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:48,620
How come you have a blond,
blue-eyed slave, hm?

20
00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:54,040
He's an actor.
Hasn't had a series in seven years.

21
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,660
Nine!

22
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:03,040
-Two thousand thanks!
-I know I didn't win, Pop.

23
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,240
I was sick. My ulcer...

24
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:10,240
I order you back to America...

25
00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:13,620
to win the Cannonball Run!

26
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,740
I give you one last chance, because...

27
00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:20,160
you are my only son
with a driver's license.

28
00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:24,540
-But Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year.
-So?

29
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:30,080
-Buy one.
-Of course!

30
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:50,650
{\an8}[HONK HONK]

31
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,908
{\an8}Couple of wise guys behind us.

32
00:03:52,991 --> 00:03:55,740
{\an8}Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are.

33
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,020
{\an8}-[LAUGHTER]
-Wow! That's a couple of great-looking chicks!

34
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:03,240
{\an8}-So much for boredom!
-Let's nail 'em! [LAUGHING]

35
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:10,950
{\an8}♪ Ball ♪

36
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:11,950
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

37
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:12,950
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

38
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:13,950
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

39
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:15,010
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

40
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:16,280
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

41
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,010
{\an8}♪ It's not what you do ♪

42
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,150
{\an8}♪ It's how you do it ♪

43
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:23,780
{\an8}♪ Be anything
you wanna be ♪

44
00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:25,110
{\an8}♪ It's not what you got ♪

45
00:04:25,150 --> 00:04:27,810
{\an8}♪ It's how you use it ♪

46
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,780
{\an8}♪ You be you,
and I’ll be me ♪

47
00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:33,910
{\an8}♪ It's just a matter
of style ♪

48
00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:34,980
{\an8}♪ You can't fake it ♪

49
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,050
{\an8}♪ Mile after mile
feelin' free ♪

50
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:41,080
{\an8}♪ If you got the soul ♪

51
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:41,880
{\an8}♪ You can make it ♪

52
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,050
{\an8}♪ Move 'em out ♪
♪ Move 'em out ♪

53
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,210
{\an8}♪ Let 'em roll ♪
♪ Let 'em roll ♪

54
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,680
{\an8}♪ From sea to shinin' sea ♪

55
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:53,150
{\an8}♪ Sea to shining sea ♪

56
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,950
{\an8}♪ Ball ♪

57
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,780
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

58
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,980
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

59
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:06,740
{\an8}-Wise broads.
-They can't outrun the radio.

60
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,618
{\an8}Charlie, you got one heading your way.

61
00:05:08,701 --> 00:05:09,990
{\an8}You'll see it in about three minutes.

62
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,990
{\an8}You're three minutes are up!
Man, a couple of great-looking chicks!

63
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,593
{\an8}Road's straight as an arrow.

64
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,870
{\an8}I can see for five miles.
Wonder where they are?

65
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,028
{\an8}Don't panic. Just watch
the side roads for dust.

66
00:05:34,111 --> 00:05:35,580
{\an8}No way they can shake us.

67
00:05:44,370 --> 00:05:48,490
{\an8}-You heard me. I think we lost 'em.
-How can you lose a white Lamborghini

68
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:54,160
{\an8}-with two chicks in the middle of nowhere?
-What is this? A quiz? We lost 'em, okay?

69
00:05:54,290 --> 00:05:57,740
{\an8}Haha. I just found 'em, son.
This here's the end of the hunt.

70
00:05:57,870 --> 00:05:59,580
{\an8}Good luck, buddy!

71
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:07,580
{\an8}George, I figure they gotta be between us.
Just pull out and block the damn' road.

72
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:11,830
{\an8}You got any other bright ideas?

73
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,080
{\an8}I'm eastbound in pursuit
of a white Lamborghini.

74
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,830
{\an8}This is not a recording.

75
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:46,880
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

76
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:47,880
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

77
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,080
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

78
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,910
{\an8}♪ It's not what you do ♪

79
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,050
{\an8}♪ It's how you do it ♪

80
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,320
{\an8}♪ Be anything
you wanna be ♪

81
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:57,880
{\an8}♪ It's not what you got ♪

82
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,320
{\an8}♪ It's how you use it ♪

83
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,680
{\an8}Hey, thanks for the hose job!

84
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,110
{\an8}♪ You be you,
and I’ll be me ♪

85
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:06,180
{\an8}♪ It's just a matter
of style ♪

86
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,780
{\an8}♪ You can't fake it ♪

87
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,110
{\an8}♪ Mile after mile
feelin' free ♪

88
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:13,350
{\an8}♪ If you got the soul ♪

89
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,010
{\an8}♪ You can make it ♪

90
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,080
{\an8}♪ Move 'em out ♪
♪ Move 'em out ♪

91
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,350
{\an8}♪ Let 'em roll ♪

92
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,790
{\an8}If I tell you boys something, you won't
think I've been drinking, will ya?

93
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,490
{\an8}The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's
a red one behind me honking its horn.

94
00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:31,676
{\an8}Correction! It's passing me, and it's
got two great-looking chicks in it!

95
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,320
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

96
00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:34,980
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

97
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:36,810
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

98
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,850
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

99
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,320
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

100
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:41,810
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

101
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:45,810
{\an8}♪ Whoooooooo ♪

102
00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:48,110
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

103
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:50,180
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

104
00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:53,680
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

105
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:58,740
-You know Marcie, we've got this routine down.
-Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball.

106
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:01,620
Oh yeah, I think so.
How far is Redondo Beach?

107
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,740
-150 miles.
-Hm, an hour flat.

108
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,276
What are we waiting for? Let's go!

109
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,250
{\an8}♪ Ball ♪

110
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,250
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

111
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,750
{\an8}♪ Hey, now, Cannonball ♪

112
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,050
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

113
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,780
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

114
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:18,580
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

115
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,080
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

116
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,080
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

117
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,710
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

118
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,250
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

119
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,610
{\an8}♪ Whoooooooo ♪

120
00:08:27,650 --> 00:08:29,250
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

121
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,250
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

122
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,120
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

123
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,810
{\an8}♪ Cannonball ♪

124
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,830
P.A.: Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen
to the fifth annual Madera air show.

125
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,790
The greatest, most sensational gathering
of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US.

126
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,740
Displays of flying and courage
like you've never seen before...

127
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,830
concluding with the most
death-defying stunt of them all:

128
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,580
The human Bomb!
So grab your kids, grab your hats.

129
00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:00,620
The festivities will begin shortly!

130
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,160
Are you sure this is a good idea, J.J?

131
00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,540
A good idea?

132
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,580
-We're gonna get so rich. Rich!
-Rich?

133
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:19,490
We're gonna split everything 50/50
right down the middle. We're partners!

134
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:22,040
-Partners?
-You bet. We're friends, aren't we?

135
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,930
-Partners and friends.
-And we're gonna be rich.

136
00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:26,370
-Rich partners and friends.
-That's right!

137
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,580
-What if something goes wrong?
-What could go wrong?

138
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,790
We've got the ace dive
bomber pilot from World War II.

139
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,170
-Dive bomber?
-Oh yeah.

140
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:39,290
He'll let you go right out of the plane...

141
00:09:39,350 --> 00:09:40,693
-[TAP TAP]
-with this.

142
00:09:40,776 --> 00:09:41,960
And you'll go right through that target.

143
00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:43,160
-Target?
-Right through...

144
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:45,910
-and into a net, strong net...
-Net?

145
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,790
And if you go through the net, then you'll
land in some hay. I mean, so much hay

146
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:53,620
-you could feed all the cattle in Texas.
-What am I worried about?

147
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,830
-Nothing! Are you crazy?
-I'm so glad you're laughing.

148
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:01,660
He can't miss! He can't miss!
I bless you. You will not miss.

149
00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:05,040
-J.J., I'm still scared. Yeah.
-You're still scared?

150
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:09,410
Well, if you're scared,
you could always have <i>him</i> do it.

151
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:13,660
"Him" doesn't come unless
there's grave danger to human life.

152
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:16,330
Right...

153
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,910
You oughta call "him".

154
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:25,370
Hello, this is Jack smith.

155
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:30,160
We've brought our cameras to record for our
30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber,

156
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:34,290
flying on a simulated attack run,
drop a human bomb.

157
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:37,740
A man encased in steel,
risking life and limb,

158
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,910
hurtling to the ground
at 140 miles per hour!

159
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,910
Now, this is a man
of such great courage

160
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,330
that he's destined to become
a household name.

161
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:49,160
He'll be besieged for autographs,

162
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,490
his picture will be on magazine
covers all over the world.

163
00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,660
Millions of adoring women
will be at his feet.

164
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,580
He's bound to become
a national celebrity.

165
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:03,045
♪ Da da daaa ♪

166
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,290
Oh, shit...

167
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:11,660
-J.J! Long time no see!
-Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.

168
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:16,240
-Listen, I'd like to take your place in the bomb.
-Have no fear. "Him" is here.

169
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:18,200
-It'd make me very happy.
-You want it?

170
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,370
-Yes.
-You got it.

171
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:22,740
-Thank you. Okay.
-Suck in!

172
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,025
What a guy!

173
00:11:25,108 --> 00:11:26,980
<i>♪ Deutschland,
Deutschland ♪</i>

174
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,810
<i>♪ Uber alles ♪</i>

175
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,850
♪<i> uber alles in der-- ♪</i>

176
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,540
Give me a D, give me a D,
give me a D-E-U,

177
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,040
give me a T, give me a T,
T-S-C-H.

178
00:11:40,290 --> 00:11:43,410
Yea, Deutschland!
Listen...

179
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,620
-You think you might like a beer?
-Hey!

180
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:51,040
-Hey! I want outta here!
-Deutschland, Deutschland...

181
00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:53,990
You asked for it!

182
00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:06,120
P.A.: Here he comes, folks...
Here he is...

183
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:09,040
One of the most dangerous stunts
we've ever had performed in Madera.

184
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,120
On his final approach... This has
to be perfect the first time around.

185
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,160
That's my partner.
What a team!

186
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,780
P.A.: The crash trucks are on their way.
We'll have word on his condition in a minute.

187
00:12:49,830 --> 00:12:52,620
What a pilot! What a pilot!
Are you okay?

188
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:56,240
Oh my goodness, did you see that?
Wasn't that fantastic?

189
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,370
{\an8}-I'm so terrifically happy...
-Oh, shut up and get me outta here!

190
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,740
-Did you hear the crowd? We were terrific!
-Get me out!

191
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:05,620
I can just see us on <i>People</i> magazine.
We're gonna be a big hit!

192
00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:08,330
J.J., you seem a little shorter!

193
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:11,390
J.J., are you okay? You know something?

194
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,490
-I figured it out.
-Yeah?

195
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,480
-If we do this ten times a day...
-Yeah?

196
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,910
By the end of the year
we're gonna be billionaires!

197
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:20,340
-What is that?
-Oh don't worry about that.

198
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:21,240
It's the Cannonball Race.

199
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:25,290
It's on again. A million dollars' the prize.
Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires.

200
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,660
-What did I say?
-You want me to do this ten times a day?

201
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,740
Nine?

202
00:13:34,870 --> 00:13:37,370
What a grouch!

203
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,990
I asked you to come here
out of respect for the family.

204
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,910
In the past, the Cannelloni family

205
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:58,080
was the richest and most
powerful family of all the families.

206
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:03,410
We controlled drugs,
prostitution, extortion,

207
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,740
-prostitution, gambling...
-Eh.

208
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,910
You said "prostitution" twice.

209
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,790
Well, I like it. And now...

210
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:18,490
the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis,
the Fettucinis...

211
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,740
and even the Raviolis
are bigger than we are.

212
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,370
And why?

213
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,570
High interest rates?

214
00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:31,990
-Acid rain?
-Japanese imports?

215
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,740
None of the above.

216
00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:43,410
No... No... No.

217
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:45,540
You I'm not even gonna answer.

218
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:50,120
Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna
be a test I... I would have studied.

219
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:54,370
When I passed on
the powers of the Don...

220
00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:56,990
to my son Don,

221
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,040
making him Don Don,

222
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:02,370
I had high hopes for him.

223
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,330
And what has he done?
He has only brought us disgrace...

224
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:09,740
and shame.

225
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,080
Wait a minute...

226
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:19,040
This cat is dead.

227
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,580
Get me a new cat.

228
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,740
Oh God...

229
00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,990
The cat could have been a contender.

230
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,580
I should have thought...
Thank you.

231
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:35,917
[MEOW]

232
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,120
It's a tabby. Very nice.

233
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,680
[MRREOWWWW]

234
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,290
It's a boy.

235
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:52,490
Boys, go to Vegas.
Lean on Don.

236
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,540
-Don Don.
-Hm?

237
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,740
We're here to straighten out your affairs.

238
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:01,040
What are your assets?

239
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:06,160
Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well.
And some people think...

240
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:12,290
-What about your liabilities?
-Well, there is...

241
00:16:12,410 --> 00:16:14,740
one small liability.

242
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,080
What?

243
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:19,370
Well... I could use a tummy tuck.

244
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:22,160
A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?!

245
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,160
-I'll kill him... I'll kill him. I'll kill him.
-Calm yourself.

246
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:32,040
Don Don, do you have any
outstanding markers?

247
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,490
-Look in the in-box.
-Look in the in-box.

248
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:42,240
30,000... It's not too
outstanding, but it's a start.

249
00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:45,640
Fenderbaum?

250
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:48,370
-Uh-huh.
-Fenderbaum...

251
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:54,300
You better call Jim
and tell him where his car is.

252
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:57,240
Me? I called last time. You call Jim.

253
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:05,490
-Well, hi there!
-Hi! Could I help you girls?

254
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,740
-This thing's stuck.
-Oh yeah. Yeah.

255
00:17:10,370 --> 00:17:13,830
-Take a hike, Mike.
-Yeah, get lost.

256
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:22,990
-Ugh. What a jerk!
-Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey.

257
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,990
Hey, honey. Right here, yeah.
Come on here, baby.

258
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,160
Hi, sugar.

259
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,290
-You girls all right?
-Could be.

260
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:38,040
This is a beauty.
Doesn't sound stock.

261
00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:42,490
It isn't. I took the six out
and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi.

262
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:45,990
-It's hot, baby.
-Hey, you got room for two more?

263
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,520
-I'm Marcie.
-Yeah, and I'm Jill.

264
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,330
-I'm George.
-Let's go, Georgie.

265
00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:59,490
L.A. Tower to Japan cargo.
Report to hangar three.

266
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,540
Roger, Tower.

267
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:06,040
No luck. They want us in customs.
They'll impound your car for two days.

268
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,370
That means, you're gonna miss the race.
What do you want to do?

269
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,740
-Okay, down!
-Okay.

270
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:15,140
Change of plans. You're bailing out.

271
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,327
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

272
00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:19,540
-Button up!
-Roger.

273
00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:24,330
Battle stations!

274
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:33,950
[HORN HONKS]

275
00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:06,660
Okay, make us invisible.

276
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,280
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

277
00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:55,410
I know you're in there, Blake.
I can hear the ice cubes.

278
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,910
This is me, Fenderbaum.
So open up!

279
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,290
Blake, I know you're in there!

280
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,750
♪ The candy man can ♪

281
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:34,080
♪ Everybody loves somebody,
sometime... ♪

282
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,830
When I make a dry martini,
I make a dry martini.

283
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,350
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

284
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,330
-There's somebody at the window.
-That's just the window cleaner.

285
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,110
[KNOCK KNOCK]

286
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,370
-Honey, who is it?
-I don't know. There's nobody there.

287
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:57,990
Blake!

288
00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:04,120
-Open up the window!
-I'll be back in a minute. Don't go away.

289
00:21:05,410 --> 00:21:07,740
I'm gonna kill him.

290
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,830
-There's nothing out here.
-Blake! Down here!

291
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,990
I don't care what it is.
Not now!

292
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,240
But I gotta talk to you now.

293
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,540
-You gotta?
-Yes.

294
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:34,040
Do you know that I'm eighteen
stories above the ground? Eighteen!

295
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,240
-Eighteen?
-Yes, eighteen!

296
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,040
Eighteen?

297
00:21:49,580 --> 00:21:52,240
You know you're the tallest
short guy I've ever seen?

298
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,660
Read this, will you? Just read that.
That's from the Sheik.

299
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,990
They're gonna start the Cannonball again.
And the sheik's putting up

300
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:06,160
$1 million to the winner. And you know
who the winner will be? $1 million!

301
00:22:06,830 --> 00:22:10,040
Take it easy now.
No, don't come out.

302
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,660
-I'll come in.
-Blake?

303
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,740
-Where are you going?
-I gotta do it. It's a million dollars.

304
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,290
You creep!

305
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,990
-Where did you get the scaffold?
-Huh? I thought this was the elevator.

306
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:44,830
I see you got my telegram, Doctor.

307
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:48,790
Was that that yellow thing
with the printing on it?

308
00:22:48,870 --> 00:22:50,630
-Yes.
-I got that, yes.

309
00:22:50,710 --> 00:22:52,740
I read that. It's uhm...

310
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,660
It was... What does it say?

311
00:22:56,830 --> 00:22:59,580
It said I wish to employ your services

312
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:03,160
to take care of my royal ulcer
during the Cannonball Run.

313
00:23:04,290 --> 00:23:06,780
-Do you know much about ulcers?
-[GRUMBLES]

314
00:23:06,870 --> 00:23:10,490
Proctology's my specialty.

315
00:23:10,830 --> 00:23:13,160
I'm very probably...

316
00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:17,080
the world's most famous
expert on ulcers.

317
00:23:18,540 --> 00:23:22,910
I should probably give you an
examination right now. Open up there.

318
00:23:27,580 --> 00:23:31,240
I sterilized it.
Before we go any further...

319
00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:36,790
There's the matter of my fee.
We should discuss my fee...

320
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,990
It's... just about that amount.

321
00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:49,540
-Hey, wait a minute. You gonna drink milk?
-Yeah.

322
00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:52,490
Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle
when it hits your liver?

323
00:23:52,580 --> 00:23:55,240
My liver died last year.

324
00:23:56,620 --> 00:23:58,950
-Can I help you?
-[SPEAKING CHINESE]

325
00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:01,490
Anybody around here speak Oriental?

326
00:24:01,850 --> 00:24:03,750
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

327
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,830
Sure. One sake coming up.

328
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,740
What he said was:
"Blackjack and water"

329
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,490
Now!

330
00:24:21,290 --> 00:24:24,080
-You got it?
-Yes Sir. Coming right up.

331
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,240
We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne,
and then we'll go up to my place.

332
00:24:30,410 --> 00:24:32,830
Father, what are you saying?

333
00:24:33,910 --> 00:24:36,580
Didn't you ever see <i>Thornbirds?</i>

334
00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:42,330
Hey pal, I'll never get laid
in this outfit.

335
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:45,990
From now on, I'm gonna wear
nothing but open collars.

336
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:50,740
-No man can live by bread alone.
-I can. I love bread.

337
00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:54,370
You know, my favorite is a
Parker House roll. It just is so nice.

338
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,910
And then the Russian rye. You know,
there's so many raisins in it that...

339
00:24:58,410 --> 00:25:01,490
-I'm not talking about that.
-O... Okay.

340
00:25:01,790 --> 00:25:04,660
-I'm talking about women. Women.
-Women?

341
00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:09,410
I want a girl that's sensitive and
vulnerable. I really... I need a girl.

342
00:25:09,870 --> 00:25:12,910
-Yeah! Me too.
-You?

343
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:17,830
-Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not a eunuch, you know?
-Of course you're not a eunuch.

344
00:25:17,910 --> 00:25:20,370
Don't put yourself down like that.

345
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:23,490
You have a striking resemblance
to a eunuch, but you...

346
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:27,990
I'm just kidding. You want a girl?
You can have one of my girls.

347
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,360
-I couldn't take one of your girls.
-Oh, you can.

348
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,410
Well, maybe just one.

349
00:25:31,580 --> 00:25:33,370
To clear up my complexion.

350
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,240
-So tomorrow... we turn over a new leaf.
-Tomorrow. A new leaf.

351
00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:42,410
-Up and clean!
-Up and clean.

352
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,990
And tonight... down and dirty.

353
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,540
-Hi J.J!
-Hi! Are you guys doing anything tonight?

354
00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:55,210
-Not now.
-Ah, well.

355
00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,410
Let's go somewhere and talk
about pistons and camshafts.

356
00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,740
Coming, J.J!

357
00:26:15,620 --> 00:26:19,410
Do we still owe Don Don $30,000?

358
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,290
-Did you pay him?
-No.

359
00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,040
Well, then we still owe him $30,000!

360
00:26:26,580 --> 00:26:29,620
Well, one of his collection men
came to collect it.

361
00:26:29,830 --> 00:26:33,830
-Wh... wh... where?
-He's at the front door, but don't look.

362
00:26:35,830 --> 00:26:38,490
I said don't look!

363
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:42,120
If he's at the front door,
we'll go out the back door,

364
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:45,240
since he can't be at two places
at one time, right?

365
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,410
-That's a good suggestion.
-Split city.

366
00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:54,290
-We're gonna die.
-Aye.

367
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:02,080
-What are they gonna do to us?
-Don't know what they're gonna do to you,

368
00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:06,740
but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be
too busy lickin' their boots to see!

369
00:27:14,410 --> 00:27:16,990
The money, or I'll blow you away!

370
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,370
I'll take the money.

371
00:27:21,330 --> 00:27:26,490
Listen guys, why would a couple of
operators like us be in Redondo Beach

372
00:27:26,620 --> 00:27:28,870
with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits?

373
00:27:28,950 --> 00:27:31,170
Okay, wise guys. You tell us!

374
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,290
We're gonna race to
Connecticut and the one that wins

375
00:27:34,370 --> 00:27:38,660
-gets $1 million in cash!
-Only a moron would back up a race like that.

376
00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,830
Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake!

377
00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:45,990
Good to see you!
You should be sleeping at this hour.

378
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,490
Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow.

379
00:27:52,290 --> 00:27:55,790
Wingtips? Barbarians.

380
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,240
Come, come! Buy yourselves
a decent clothing store.

381
00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:05,490
-Infidels!
-That's the moron.

382
00:28:06,370 --> 00:28:10,080
You know, these liars
could be telling the truth.

383
00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:32,740
Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise!

384
00:28:33,370 --> 00:28:35,910
Oh wow! You look wonderful!

385
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,240
What brings you to the Pinto Ranch?
Is it business or pleasure?

386
00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:47,490
-May I have a chair?
-Oh, certainly.

387
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,240
Oh, it's business.

388
00:28:55,620 --> 00:28:57,740
I just spoke to Dad, isn't that funny?

389
00:28:57,870 --> 00:29:00,270
Don. You don't mind if I
call you Don Don, do you?

390
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:01,540
No, no.

391
00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:06,290
Oh good, Don Don. When your father was having
a little trouble with you in Brooklyn,

392
00:29:06,410 --> 00:29:10,490
he called me and asked me for a favor.
Could he send you out here to Vegas

393
00:29:10,830 --> 00:29:14,040
so that I could watch over yours.
So what do I do?

394
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,740
I give you a job working at the casino.
And what did you do?

395
00:29:16,870 --> 00:29:20,020
You spend all your time
working on the chorus lines!

396
00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:20,960
One line!

397
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,580
-I slept with one lousy chorus line!
-Shut up!

398
00:29:25,250 --> 00:29:28,040
The second favor I do for yours:
you come to me

399
00:29:28,330 --> 00:29:31,900
-and I lend you the money to start this...
-Hymie,

400
00:29:31,983 --> 00:29:35,233
-the recession has hurt every small businessman.
-Oh yeah.

401
00:29:35,776 --> 00:29:36,682
[FINGER-SNAP]

402
00:29:36,765 --> 00:29:39,290
-What does he owe?
-As of 9:30,

403
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:43,580
the compounded 24% interest
weekly brings it to exactly

404
00:29:43,870 --> 00:29:48,735
9 million, 332 thousand,
448 dollars and 55 cents.

405
00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:51,240
Hymie, I'm doing the best I can!

406
00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:54,080
What?! I'll kill you.

407
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,290
That's what's so tragic.
I'm gonna do you another big favor.

408
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,240
I'll give you exactly until
tomorrow to pay everything off.

409
00:30:05,330 --> 00:30:07,330
-Well, it's no problem 'cause...
-Shut up.

410
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,660
Exactly 24 hours, Don Don.

411
00:30:11,790 --> 00:30:13,910
I mean, Dumb Dumb.

412
00:30:14,910 --> 00:30:17,410
I think I call you
Dumb Dumb from now on.

413
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,120
What do you think about that, chaps?

414
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,660
-It's very funny, boss!
-It ain't funny!

415
00:30:25,790 --> 00:30:28,120
Now, I'll tell you
when somethin' is funny!

416
00:30:29,790 --> 00:30:32,040
<i>Mañana,</i> Dumb Dumb.

417
00:30:32,910 --> 00:30:34,740
Hymie, one question.

418
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,330
Oh my God!

419
00:30:41,290 --> 00:30:43,370
What was the question?

420
00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:46,080
It'll keep, Hymie.

421
00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:55,330
-Are you sure this guy's your uncle?
-Yeah, and I told you he's your uncle too.

422
00:30:55,410 --> 00:30:58,290
Listen, I told you, don't tell me,
don't explain it to me again, please.

423
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,240
He's my mother's brother,
who moved to California, and my mother

424
00:31:02,370 --> 00:31:05,120
is your father's sister,
and you're my mother's brother's son.

425
00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:14,740
-Is that our uncle?
-As... as they said, he had... er...

426
00:31:14,830 --> 00:31:17,910
er... a white limo.
I ain't seen him in 20 years.

427
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:20,830
He's from your side of the family.

428
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,370
Uncle Cal?

429
00:31:26,830 --> 00:31:31,040
Howdy, boys!
Cal's the name and cars is my game.

430
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,290
Got some real sweetheart
for little down and 9.9% financing.

431
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:40,830
Uncle Cal, I'm... I'm your nephew...
er... Melvin from North Carolina.

432
00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:45,490
-You're my brother and sister's boy?
-And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn.

433
00:31:45,830 --> 00:31:48,240
What pair are you out of?

434
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:52,040
Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys
are wandering about my driver?

435
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:56,990
He sure looks a little...
er... little... er... little...

436
00:31:57,410 --> 00:31:59,240
He... he's weird.

437
00:31:59,290 --> 00:32:02,040
Yeah, I mean, is it easy
to get a license in this town?

438
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,240
Oh, he ain't got no license! Come here.

439
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,740
I do all the driving from here. He just
sits there and looks like he's driving.

440
00:32:10,830 --> 00:32:13,620
It's a publicity gimmick.
I got a slogan:

441
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:16,990
"If a monkey can drive, so can you!"

442
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,790
I love this boy.
He's part of our family.

443
00:32:25,790 --> 00:32:28,790
Come on, son. Ain't he cute?

444
00:32:29,910 --> 00:32:33,660
Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal.
We got a real real problem.

445
00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:37,660
Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any
money right now. We're flat broke.

446
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:40,080
Yeah, but we need a car right away.

447
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,580
-What are you boys doin' out here?
-Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca...

448
00:32:45,910 --> 00:32:48,540
-We're... we're Cannon...
-We are Cannonballers.

449
00:32:49,330 --> 00:32:52,490
Stop it, boy! I told you
not to play with the phones.

450
00:32:54,790 --> 00:32:57,990
Damn chimp costs me
$300 a month in wrong numbers.

451
00:32:59,250 --> 00:33:03,660
Hey, stop it, you primate!
That's it! I've had it with you!

452
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,490
Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta
teach this old boy some manners.

453
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:09,740
Son!

454
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:13,740
Now you've stepped in it!

455
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,240
Boys, I got one condition on the deal.

456
00:33:21,410 --> 00:33:26,490
I'm gonna give you the limo, but only if you
take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you!

457
00:33:31,620 --> 00:33:34,990
-If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator.
-Really?

458
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:40,290
-Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop.
-Alright.

459
00:33:40,540 --> 00:33:43,040
-See you at the matinee?
-Yeah.

460
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,290
If I have to sing <i>Sound of Music</i>
one more time, I'm gonna croak!

461
00:33:47,370 --> 00:33:51,240
I'm so sick of the Crap family,
I'm gonna scream!

462
00:33:54,830 --> 00:33:58,080
-Oh, it's so crowded.
-Why do we eat here at all?

463
00:33:58,910 --> 00:34:02,040
-Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished.
-Oh, thank you.

464
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:06,290
Very generous and very sweet
of you. Bless you. Awfully nice of you.

465
00:34:11,540 --> 00:34:14,790
I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops,
I'm sick of the show.

466
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,580
-I'm sick of show business.
-Betty, look at it this way:

467
00:34:17,660 --> 00:34:21,330
-It's a stepping stone to Broadway.
-I'm getting out while I'm at the bottom.

468
00:34:21,410 --> 00:34:24,580
<i>Finito,</i> Veronica. I wanna get
married, I wanna have a big house.

469
00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:27,660
I just wanna find some nice,
sweet, bozo millionaire.

470
00:34:27,910 --> 00:34:29,750
You know what I'm gonna do
with my half of the million?

471
00:34:29,830 --> 00:34:30,780
-Tell me.
-Alright.

472
00:34:30,870 --> 00:34:33,490
I'm gonna buy my mom a great,
big, brand new house.

473
00:34:33,830 --> 00:34:36,020
And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony.

474
00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:39,510
And I will get the kid a shovel,
because ponies...

475
00:34:39,590 --> 00:34:42,490
-I tell you somethin'
-J.J., what are you gonna do with yours?

476
00:34:42,540 --> 00:34:43,470
My money's gonna be gone,

477
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,290
-before I even get to the car.
-Really?

478
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,910
-Come on, let's go introduce ourselves.
-Are you crazy?

479
00:34:51,410 --> 00:34:54,160
-Oh my God!
-For Jesus Christ!

480
00:34:58,910 --> 00:35:03,870
Excuse us gentlemen, but we have
just spilled coffee all over the table.

481
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,620
-Would you mind, if we sat with you?
-Sit with us?

482
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:08,810
-You wanna join us?
-Oh no, don't get up.

483
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:10,490
-Sure.
-Boy-nun, boy-nun.

484
00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:14,160
-Boy-nun, boy-nun?
-Thank you, Sir.

485
00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:16,400
-J.J., they're gonna join us.
-Yeah.

486
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:17,370
Thank you.

487
00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:19,740
-I'm Sister Veronica.
-And I'm Sister Betty.

488
00:35:19,910 --> 00:35:23,740
-How do you do?
-I'm J.J. McClure and this is Victor Prinze.

489
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,040
-We're partners.
-Are you boys married?

490
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,740
No, just partners.

491
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,370
-Partners? Well, sweet.
-Sister Betty?

492
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,340
That's correct. But we're not partners,
we're sisters. Not real sisters.

493
00:35:38,370 --> 00:35:43,790
-We're just in the same order together.
-So what do you gentlemen do for a living?

494
00:35:44,290 --> 00:35:46,660
We race across the country.
For money.

495
00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:49,990
Oh, and we're gonna have
a race today to the East Coast.

496
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,540
Are you racing to Broadway?

497
00:35:54,830 --> 00:35:57,160
Connecticut. What order
did you say you're from?

498
00:35:57,330 --> 00:35:59,790
Oh, actually it's just a...
a bunch of girls.

499
00:35:59,910 --> 00:36:03,120
-Bunch of girls?
-We're affiliated together in the Order of...

500
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,210
-Immaculate...
-Chastity.

501
00:36:05,290 --> 00:36:06,990
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.

502
00:36:07,370 --> 00:36:11,830
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
I read the Bible all the time.

503
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,240
In fact, I read the Bible that was
printed on the head of a pin.

504
00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:18,040
That was hard.
But I never heard of the...

505
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:21,690
Well, you have to read the New Testament.
That... It's not even in the New Testament.

506
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,730
It's the New...

507
00:36:22,810 --> 00:36:24,410
-New Wave.
-Aha!

508
00:36:24,660 --> 00:36:27,740
-New... New Test... very progressive Testament.
-We'll try to catch it.

509
00:36:28,750 --> 00:36:31,040
We have holy work to do. Let's go.

510
00:36:31,370 --> 00:36:33,740
Okay. Well, maybe some other time.

511
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:36,320
At what time did you say your race is?

512
00:36:36,410 --> 00:36:38,990
-Noon.
-At the Portofino Inn, Sister.

513
00:36:39,790 --> 00:36:42,790
-Goodbye, Sister veronica.
-Come, Sister Betty.

514
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,620
-Nice meetin' you, Sister. Bye bye.
-Thank you.

515
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:48,540
Come on, hurry Sister Betty,
we have lots of lepers waiting.

516
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,310
-Don Don?
-What is it now?

517
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,290
Everything is fine.

518
00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:56,990
What we did is,
we put our heads together

519
00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:01,120
and we're gonna rip off the Arab
on the road during the car race.

520
00:37:01,540 --> 00:37:05,910
You put your heads together, huh?
It must have sounded like a bowling alley!

521
00:37:06,330 --> 00:37:09,210
-Yes, Don Don.
-We need millions of dollars by...

522
00:37:09,290 --> 00:37:10,120
What time is it now?

523
00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:12,330
Oh my God! By tomorrow!

524
00:37:12,830 --> 00:37:16,080
If we can get the sheik,
we got the money.

525
00:37:16,370 --> 00:37:19,910
He wants us to rip off the Arab
and then kidnap him.

526
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:24,240
-What for?
-What for?!! Ransom, you idiots! Ransom.

527
00:37:24,290 --> 00:37:26,410
R-A-N-S-U-M!
Ransom!

528
00:37:26,660 --> 00:37:29,580
-Understand, you imbeciles?
-You got it. Please calm yourself.

529
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:31,740
-Tell this to Hymie!
-Okay, have a nice day.

530
00:38:17,870 --> 00:38:22,830
J.J., is that legal? Both of them?
At the same time?

531
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,910
J.J., you're bad.
Hi Jill, Hi Marcie!

532
00:38:30,330 --> 00:38:32,490
Cute car!

533
00:38:33,330 --> 00:38:36,870
Imagine the stories J.J.'s
making up about last night.

534
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,410
-He's driving poor Victor crazy.
-Yeah. Poor victor's buying every word of it.

535
00:38:41,790 --> 00:38:44,580
-Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt us.
-Never has.

536
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,790
-Let's check out our competition.
-Alright.

537
00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:52,660
Well, you look great. You really do.
You look real sexy!

538
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:54,290
Sexy?

539
00:38:56,370 --> 00:38:58,500
-You look...
-And I look like a turd.

540
00:38:58,580 --> 00:39:01,040
-No, you don't.
-J.J., what am I supposed to be?

541
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,540
You're a career army man.

542
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,490
Forty years in the army,
the backbone of the army!

543
00:39:07,620 --> 00:39:09,580
-Alright! Man.
-Alright.

544
00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:12,590
-Wish I had a medal.
-You want a medal?

545
00:39:12,670 --> 00:39:13,990
Well, I'd like to have a medal.

546
00:39:14,750 --> 00:39:16,400
-Take one.
-Oh, no.

547
00:39:16,490 --> 00:39:17,790
-Take one, you're my friend.
-I couldn't take

548
00:39:17,870 --> 00:39:21,120
-one of your medals. I couldn't do it.
-Take anyone you like. I love you.

549
00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:22,870
Okay.

550
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,660
-This is a nice one right here. Thanks.
-That one.

551
00:39:25,790 --> 00:39:27,910
Oh, this is really swell.

552
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:31,740
The Congressional Medal of Honor.
Thank you very much!

553
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:34,490
That's really nice.

554
00:39:34,790 --> 00:39:39,990
Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny.
I'm real glad. I love it.

555
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,290
-Oh, look, J.J.
-Ah.

556
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:43,620
-Good morning.
-Good morning.

557
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,540
General? Are you a General?
General J.J. McClure.

558
00:39:47,790 --> 00:39:49,020
Oh, you're a private.

559
00:39:49,100 --> 00:39:50,790
-National Guard.
-Listen...

560
00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:53,870
The Lord asks a favor
and we ask a favor of you.

561
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:58,290
We have an emergency in New York
and it's very important that we get there.

562
00:39:58,660 --> 00:40:02,290
-And we've lost our means of transportation.
-And our vows of poverty

563
00:40:02,370 --> 00:40:06,410
prevent us from traveling commercially.
Could we go along with you?

564
00:40:06,830 --> 00:40:09,540
We only have 48 hours to get there,
you see. Otherwise...

565
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,790
the lepers might cause a panic.

566
00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:17,290
-The lepers?
-Yes. We treated lepers on Molokai,

567
00:40:17,410 --> 00:40:20,540
and now several hundred of them
have made their way East to the Big Apple.

568
00:40:20,660 --> 00:40:22,990
-We'd like to continue treating them.
-Oh...

569
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,660
-Oh, sure Sister, this is gonna be swell.
-Excuse me.

570
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,690
Excuse me. Just one minute.

571
00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,120
-What?
-Come here.

572
00:40:29,910 --> 00:40:32,490
-What?
-How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?!

573
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,830
-The lepers? Big Apple?
-Well, The Big Apple is New York, J.J.

574
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,540
-I know that.
-And I didn't even know they had lepers there.

575
00:40:39,660 --> 00:40:40,490
Listen to me.

576
00:40:40,580 --> 00:40:42,540
-We can't take nuns along. No!
-Oh please.

577
00:40:42,620 --> 00:40:45,410
What, if we're driving along
and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking?

578
00:40:45,540 --> 00:40:48,580
She wants to get in the car,
a little action? And we got nuns along?

579
00:40:48,660 --> 00:40:51,870
-I'm good, but I'm not that good.
-Listen, if we take these nuns

580
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,240
I bet that God will be our co-pilot.

581
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:55,660
Well...

582
00:41:00,370 --> 00:41:01,910
-Why not?
-Oh, J.J.

583
00:41:02,790 --> 00:41:06,240
-You can come along.
-Oh, bless you, my son.

584
00:41:06,370 --> 00:41:09,620
-Oh, J.J. You'll get your reward in heaven.
-I don't wanna wait that long.

585
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,490
-Snappy bags, huh? Ah. Good.
-It's purple for Lent.

586
00:41:15,290 --> 00:41:19,370
I should tell you something. When we're gonna
be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped.

587
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,810
-It'll be alright?
-Of course.

588
00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:23,040
It'll be alright.

589
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,240
My Milly took a vow of chastity.
She had headaches all the time.

590
00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,660
Well, well, well...

591
00:41:32,870 --> 00:41:37,490
Look who we have here.
General Patton... and General Admission.

592
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:44,290
Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops.
Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy.

593
00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:48,370
-Any problems, officers?
-Are you kidding, Ladies?

594
00:41:48,500 --> 00:41:52,540
I might as well tell you something. We tried
it at the last race, dressed like priests.

595
00:41:52,660 --> 00:41:55,740
We didn't win. It didn't help us
and it ain't gonna help you.

596
00:41:57,410 --> 00:42:00,870
Now, as a law enforcement officer
I exercise my rights

597
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,160
to take these two young ladies
and submit them to a very nice long

598
00:42:05,370 --> 00:42:06,900
and thorough body search.

599
00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:08,740
-VICTOR: Shame on you!
-Listen.

600
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,740
These are real nuns. This is not a
Halloween party. Have a little respect.

601
00:42:15,290 --> 00:42:17,790
I'm up to here with you.

602
00:42:35,330 --> 00:42:36,410
You're sick.

603
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,410
Gather around, look this way.
Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., victor...

604
00:42:41,580 --> 00:42:44,580
Fellow Cannonballers,
give me your attention.

605
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,580
Allah came to me one night and said:

606
00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:50,290
"Falafel, be a sport!"

607
00:42:50,620 --> 00:42:53,490
"Spread the wealth
before Khomeini gets it all."

608
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,740
Please, please...
The important thing to know is

609
00:42:59,330 --> 00:43:06,240
that I personally am donating
the purse of $1 million to the winner!

610
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:20,370
Remember the golden rule:
He who has the gold makes the rules.

611
00:43:20,660 --> 00:43:22,790
I go first.

612
00:43:24,790 --> 00:43:28,410
-General, will this trip be dangerous?
-Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister.

613
00:43:28,540 --> 00:43:33,050
-Maybe exciting, but...
-♪ Da da daaa ♪

614
00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:36,830
Hello everyone...
Good to see you again.

615
00:43:37,410 --> 00:43:41,830
J.J., I shall endeavor to get you the win.
Throw the little nuns in the car...

616
00:43:41,910 --> 00:43:44,790
-and let's be off!
-Does your friend have an identity problem?

617
00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:47,870
No problem and no time, Sister.

618
00:43:49,290 --> 00:43:52,490
General, you should be in the back.
Sister Betty, up front with me.

619
00:43:52,750 --> 00:43:54,410
Boy-nun, boy-nun.

620
00:43:56,410 --> 00:43:59,330
-Isn't he adorable?
-I heard that.

621
00:44:02,250 --> 00:44:03,990
The jury's still out on that.

622
00:44:04,410 --> 00:44:09,160
Here is to good luck.
May it all be mine!

623
00:44:18,620 --> 00:44:20,980
♪ See the lightning
cross the sky ♪

624
00:44:21,020 --> 00:44:22,810
♪ Makes me wonder
why can't I ♪

625
00:44:22,850 --> 00:44:26,580
♪ Move that fast
to get to where I’m going ♪

626
00:44:26,620 --> 00:44:28,750
♪ I just can't wait
to get to you ♪

627
00:44:28,780 --> 00:44:30,680
♪ 'Cause, girl, you know
just what we'll do ♪

628
00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:34,680
♪ So much love for you
it's overflowing ♪

629
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:38,250
♪ I gave you a license
to drive me up the wall ♪

630
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:39,710
♪ I just can't
shake this spell ♪

631
00:44:39,750 --> 00:44:42,780
♪ That your love
keeps me under ♪

632
00:44:42,820 --> 00:44:44,910
♪ The way you weave
your magic ♪

633
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:46,680
♪ Your brown eyes
say it all ♪

634
00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:48,680
♪ I look at you
and feel the thunder ♪

635
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:53,320
♪ Ooh, it hits me
like a Cannonball ♪

636
00:44:54,620 --> 00:44:57,810
♪ Like a Cannonball ♪

637
00:44:57,850 --> 00:45:01,150
♪ Hits me like
a Cannonball ♪

638
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,710
♪ Like a Cannonball ♪

639
00:45:06,750 --> 00:45:08,580
♪ Hearts break at
the speed of sound ♪

640
00:45:08,620 --> 00:45:10,650
♪ That's why I’m
so glad I found ♪

641
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:14,280
♪ Someone who makes lovin'
feel so right ♪

642
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,080
♪ If there's a detour
up ahead ♪

643
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,910
♪ I'll take
another road instead ♪

644
00:45:18,950 --> 00:45:22,280
♪ Nothing's keeping me
from you tonight ♪

645
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,980
♪ I gave you a license
to drive me up the wall ♪

646
00:45:26,020 --> 00:45:28,180
♪ I look at you
and feel the thunder ♪

647
00:45:28,220 --> 00:45:33,150
♪ Ooh, it hits me
like a Cannonball ♪

648
00:45:33,980 --> 00:45:37,280
♪ Like a Cannonball ♪

649
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,780
♪ Hits me
like a Cannonball ♪

650
00:45:41,980 --> 00:45:45,950
♪ Like a Cannonball ♪

651
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,660
I don't understand this, Tony.

652
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:58,240
For the last time:
I hit the back of the Arab's car,

653
00:45:58,790 --> 00:46:02,240
push a button, presto.
These things clamp onto the bumper.

654
00:46:02,830 --> 00:46:06,660
Then I step on the brakes.
We stop, get out of the car,

655
00:46:06,790 --> 00:46:10,790
and snatch him...
Now do you understand?

656
00:46:13,370 --> 00:46:14,790
Yeah...

657
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:29,650
[HORN HONKS]

658
00:46:34,830 --> 00:46:38,740
-COMPUTER: Attention-- Smokey in pursuit.
-O-oh, trouble.

659
00:46:38,950 --> 00:46:41,610
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

660
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,740
-Well, do something high-tech.
-COMPUTER: Smokey... gaining.

661
00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:50,290
Afterburner... ready.

662
00:47:01,290 --> 00:47:04,120
Boy, that's what I call a high-tech!

663
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:15,910
-Here they come.
-Still seems complicated, Tony.

664
00:47:16,290 --> 00:47:20,660
It's a piece of cake. I just
speed up and I get to his back bumper.

665
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:22,990
Here we go. Get ready. Easing up.

666
00:47:23,370 --> 00:47:25,830
Now don't blow it. Just hit the button.

667
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:30,120
Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now!

668
00:47:30,910 --> 00:47:34,990
-You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony.
-Hey, you wanna drive?

669
00:47:35,750 --> 00:47:37,160
Hit it!

670
00:47:39,330 --> 00:47:43,240
-Nothing can separate us now. Nothing!
-Nothing!

671
00:47:51,370 --> 00:47:55,240
Maybe it only works
on American cars, eh Tony?

672
00:48:08,540 --> 00:48:10,580
Oh, how sweet.

673
00:48:27,330 --> 00:48:29,410
Can I help you, ma'am?

674
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:38,240
-Aren't we going above the speed limit?
-Yes, 110, Sister Betty.

675
00:48:41,250 --> 00:48:44,240
-Oh, this is exciting!
-Are you blessing my leg?

676
00:48:45,370 --> 00:48:46,580
Yeah.

677
00:48:49,790 --> 00:48:52,080
Keep blessing, sister!

678
00:48:56,370 --> 00:49:00,040
-We just passed this police car.
-That's alright. We pass 'em all the time.

679
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:05,080
-Sarge, are we doin' 80?
-Yeah, we sure are!

680
00:49:05,250 --> 00:49:07,440
Did they just pass us
like we were standing still?

681
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,040
Let me tell you what to do, son.

682
00:49:09,410 --> 00:49:14,290
Buckle up. You're taking part in your
first high-speed pursuit and capture!

683
00:49:16,830 --> 00:49:19,160
It's following us.
The police car's following us.

684
00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,740
Probably recognized me.

685
00:49:24,780 --> 00:49:26,550
[CRIES]

686
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,040
-What?
-I mean, it's not my life style.

687
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:33,620
-I don't...
-No, you're fine.

688
00:49:36,290 --> 00:49:40,240
-You're shaking. I'll hold your hand.
-Oh, thank you, thank you.

689
00:49:40,410 --> 00:49:43,620
-Oh, they're so warm.
-J.J. is the warmest!

690
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:48,540
-Sister Betty, he has such warm skin!
-<i>He</i> has such warm skin?

691
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,120
You should feel the heater up here.

692
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,580
Noticed how I took that last curve?
High and wide, straight through the apex.

693
00:49:56,660 --> 00:49:59,490
Pick up about 15 mph more coming out.

694
00:50:17,910 --> 00:50:20,330
-What are you writin'?
-The accident report.

695
00:50:24,540 --> 00:50:25,540
Damn!

696
00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:29,910
-Tony, are you sure about this?
-Stop complaining!

697
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:34,330
-Statistics proof flying is safer than driving.
-Is that right?

698
00:50:38,290 --> 00:50:43,540
Sideward and rearward
maneuvering is accomplished by...

699
00:50:44,790 --> 00:50:48,240
oh, am I mad at you!
You told me you could fly this thing.

700
00:50:48,370 --> 00:50:51,490
We almost got killed
three times already!

701
00:50:54,410 --> 00:50:58,290
Will you shut up an read the instructions?!
Or we'll be killed for the last time!

702
00:50:58,410 --> 00:51:01,540
You're getting me crazy.
This thing can not fly by itself!

703
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,740
-We're leveling out!
-Alright, so we didn't crash.

704
00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:25,630
Now, explain to me about
the magnet on the helicopter.

705
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:26,450
Why?

706
00:51:26,540 --> 00:51:30,990
-This scheme is too complicated for me.
-The alphabet is too complicated for you!

707
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:35,830
It's simple: this magnet is powerful enough
to pick a Brinks truck right off the street.

708
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,410
Oh, a Brinks truck, huh?

709
00:51:45,580 --> 00:51:49,830
-Here's your sandwich, Your Highness.
-You'd better not, Your Royalship.

710
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,410
That salami will kick the shit
out of your ulcer!

711
00:51:57,250 --> 00:52:01,290
-Wait, wait. There's the Rolls!
-Ha! Good.

712
00:52:05,410 --> 00:52:09,490
-This flyin' is a piece of cake!
-Now that we found 'em, what do we do?

713
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,990
Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em.
They probably won't even know I'm there.

714
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,990
Then, at the right second:
zappo! We snatch 'em.

715
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,490
Oh! Smart!

716
00:52:19,660 --> 00:52:24,290
Why did I ever doubt you Tony?
I'm too dumb to question smart people.

717
00:52:24,660 --> 00:52:26,790
This is true.

718
00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:30,370
-Tony, don't you think you're too low?
-That's a negative.

719
00:52:31,290 --> 00:52:34,620
-It looks a little low, Tony.
-I can see it through the window, okay?

720
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,290
A little bit to the left.

721
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,490
-A little more to the left.
-How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy?

722
00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:48,160
-I flew you here, shmuck!
-Now, down a little.

723
00:52:48,500 --> 00:52:49,860
Hit the button on the magnet!

724
00:52:50,380 --> 00:52:51,650
{\an8}[THUMP]

725
00:52:51,790 --> 00:52:54,990
I love being a gangster!

726
00:52:57,750 --> 00:53:02,490
We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing
could separate us now. Nothing!

727
00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:07,240
-Up, up and away!
-Up, up and away.

728
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,120
Listen!

729
00:53:11,250 --> 00:53:14,660
Up, up and awaaay...

730
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:21,240
-I don't know why it ain't workin'.
-Could be the fan belt.

731
00:53:22,830 --> 00:53:26,370
Maybe it don't work
on nothin' but Brinks trucks.

732
00:53:26,660 --> 00:53:32,240
Don't worry about it.
I'll have it all figured out in a second.

733
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,160
Tony, is your seat belt on?

734
00:53:43,380 --> 00:53:45,320
[CRASH]

735
00:54:01,660 --> 00:54:06,410
Hep. Eatin' time!
You feed him, and... I'll drive.

736
00:54:06,540 --> 00:54:09,370
No, no, no. It's your turn.
You feed him. Come on!

737
00:54:12,580 --> 00:54:14,290
Here you go. Oh...

738
00:54:15,870 --> 00:54:19,579
Son-of-a-bitch!
That son-of-a-bitch is crazy!

739
00:54:19,662 --> 00:54:21,410
He's got a mental case...

740
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,610
♪ Ohhhhh ♪

741
00:54:27,650 --> 00:54:29,250
♪ Oh, it's hard to be
a genius, of course ♪

742
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,050
♪ But keep that old horse ♪

743
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,080
♪ Before the cart ♪

744
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,110
♪ First you gotta
have heart... ♪

745
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,990
-Corporal. You're driving well.
-Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

746
00:54:41,790 --> 00:54:45,620
Sister Betty? You know, I was raised
a Catholic and I'm really interested.

747
00:54:45,750 --> 00:54:49,240
Could you tell us more about
the Order of the Immaculate Charity?

748
00:54:49,620 --> 00:54:52,040
-Chastity.
-Chastity!

749
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,490
He always get those words mixed up.

750
00:54:55,620 --> 00:54:58,790
Well... I think it's time for us
to get some sleep.

751
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,430
-Oh sure. Good.
-So if you just excuse us,

752
00:55:01,510 --> 00:55:03,240
-we'd like to have a little privacy.
-Sure.

753
00:55:03,660 --> 00:55:05,780
Go ahead, there's... Just put that...

754
00:55:05,860 --> 00:55:07,540
-Good night.
-Good night.

755
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:17,990
Hey, am I crazy? Or are those
the friendliest nuns you've ever seen?

756
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:21,040
-Isn't Sister Betty cute?
-Ahh. I'd...

757
00:55:22,330 --> 00:55:24,740
I'd like to jump her bones.

758
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:27,800
-J.J., bite your tongue!
-Can't help it. I'm sorry.

759
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:28,990
Aren't you ashamed?

760
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:30,810
-I would!
-Oh my goodness!

761
00:55:30,900 --> 00:55:32,490
Why would you say such a...

762
00:55:37,620 --> 00:55:39,620
-That's sacrilegious!
-These are human beings.

763
00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:41,580
And I'd be very interested
to know how you make out.

764
00:55:41,660 --> 00:55:42,990
Huh?

765
00:55:43,620 --> 00:55:46,120
'Cause I been thinking about
getting into Sister Betty's pants.

766
00:55:52,910 --> 00:55:55,080
Oh God, forgive me...

767
00:56:09,620 --> 00:56:12,660
Morning officer! Nice day, isn't it?

768
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:14,760
Get out of the road, fat boy,
before you get run over.

769
00:56:14,850 --> 00:56:16,080
-Come on.
-Okay.

770
00:56:20,580 --> 00:56:22,910
-Good morning!
-Goddamn! A General!

771
00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:28,790
-Now, what seems to be the problem, officer?
-We have speed limits in this here state.

772
00:56:29,410 --> 00:56:32,330
-Even in a nuclear emergency?
-What emergency?

773
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:34,560
We can't talk about it, officer.

774
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:36,740
-Let me see your driver's license.
-No!

775
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,830
I have radioactive breath.

776
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,620
-What are you boys trying to pull?
-There has been a nuclear meltdown.

777
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,740
We're taking some contaminated
material to Connecticut.

778
00:56:47,830 --> 00:56:50,490
Why Connecticut?

779
00:56:51,540 --> 00:56:53,330
They ran out.

780
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:55,830
Bullshit!

781
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,990
-Hey, uncle Hinky!
-Homer! My nephew.

782
00:57:00,290 --> 00:57:02,380
-We'll wait for you, Homer.
-Thanks, Sir.

783
00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:03,490
How you're doin', Homer?

784
00:57:03,580 --> 00:57:06,240
-Goddamn, I didn't know you was coming home!
-Private!

785
00:57:08,580 --> 00:57:10,540
Yes sir, General!

786
00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:14,290
-What are you doing here, son?
-Well, I had a 3-day pass to come home.

787
00:57:14,370 --> 00:57:16,020
It's the first one I had in two years.

788
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:19,560
I'm gonna commandeer you
to drive this car to Connecticut.

789
00:57:19,650 --> 00:57:21,240
-Get in the car, son.
-Yes, Sir!

790
00:57:21,330 --> 00:57:24,910
Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no
place till I phoned this here in!

791
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:29,580
Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got
more medals than all at the base together.

792
00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:32,370
It don't make no difference.
I phone it in anyway.

793
00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:37,330
-Good morning, officer.
-Sweet Jesus!

794
00:57:37,660 --> 00:57:40,040
-General, why are we stopping?
-I'm sorry, Sister.

795
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:42,990
I was just explaining to the sheriff
the purpose of my mission.

796
00:57:43,620 --> 00:57:47,120
-You carry nuns with you?
-In case we don't...

797
00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:49,740
-make it, you know?
-Oh, really?

798
00:57:50,290 --> 00:57:53,580
There's a higher purpose involved, officer.
Only the Lord knows what it is.

799
00:57:54,330 --> 00:57:57,740
The safety of our nation depends
on the speed of our mission.

800
00:57:58,580 --> 00:58:00,740
Wow! Praise the Lord!

801
00:58:00,830 --> 00:58:05,370
Well, in that case I'll give you a police
escort all the way to the county line.

802
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:07,120
-Bless you.
-Sheriff...

803
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:10,120
I just want you to know something:
America needs your help!

804
00:58:10,250 --> 00:58:13,990
There are two communists disguised as
policemen chasing us in a red Corvette.

805
00:58:14,410 --> 00:58:16,870
-Commies!
-No shit?

806
00:58:17,620 --> 00:58:19,620
No shit.

807
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:24,580
Now, don't go arguing with me!
I've got it straight from the General!

808
00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:28,740
There are two communists dressed up
as policemen in a red Corvette...

809
00:58:28,830 --> 00:58:31,830
trying to steal our nuclear shit!
Shoot 'em!

810
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,290
The fate of the country
depends on it, do you hear me?

811
00:58:37,660 --> 00:58:40,990
[OVER RADIO] Headquarters, this is units 2
and 5 eastbound on Highway 10.

812
00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:43,910
-We got those commies in our sights.
-Commies?

813
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,910
Now, I been called a lot of things but
I ain't never been called no commie.

814
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:50,200
I ain't even a Democrat.

815
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:54,490
[OVER RADIO] But you can inform
the General they're as good as caught.

816
00:58:56,660 --> 00:58:58,580
The General... General!?

817
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:03,990
J.J! That son-of-a-bitch!

818
00:59:13,870 --> 00:59:17,040
Good, Blake. But not good enough!

819
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:20,910
[OVER RADIO] This is 2 and 5 again.
We're now <i>westbound</i> on Highway 10.

820
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:24,410
[OVER RADIO] This is the Captain.
I want those two foreigners brought in.

821
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:27,830
-Dead or alive.
-Don't you worry about it.

822
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:28,850
You know what I'm gonna do?

823
00:59:28,930 --> 00:59:31,160
-What?
-I'm gonna turn this car around

824
00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:35,040
and I am gonna block
the whole highway sideways.

825
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:38,740
And when they come
they have a choice: either to ditch it

826
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,740
or ram right straight into us!

827
00:59:42,410 --> 00:59:46,490
-Just ditch it or... ram straight into us?
-Yeah!

828
01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:07,490
Get outta here with these bananas!
I don't want the bananas!

829
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:12,490
This is humiliating as hell...
er... sittin' up here!

830
01:00:12,620 --> 01:00:18,080
Well, it's no picnic being back here!
Wacked-out monkey!

831
01:00:18,350 --> 01:00:19,710
[CRASH]

832
01:00:20,750 --> 01:00:23,040
Stop it! Well, keep your
hands off me, monkey!

833
01:00:32,660 --> 01:00:33,913
What are you doing up here?

834
01:00:33,996 --> 01:00:36,080
-Man, it's safer.
-[CRASH]

835
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,160
-Well, who's drivin'?
-He is.

836
01:00:51,290 --> 01:00:55,990
Would you boys like to stay for dinner?
I just made noodle soup.

837
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,120
Note, Blake. General Patton's car.

838
01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:10,910
Is the blimp driving?

839
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,830
No. It's the General.

840
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:16,240
The General, huh? Ha!

841
01:01:16,330 --> 01:01:20,040
Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him!

842
01:01:27,830 --> 01:01:31,990
It's money in the bank.
A million bucks!

843
01:01:36,870 --> 01:01:40,830
Oh, come on! It'll be
a weekend you'll never forget.

844
01:01:41,250 --> 01:01:43,870
-All three of us?
-Yep.

845
01:01:44,790 --> 01:01:48,540
It's gonna be a weekend you can tell
your kids about... if they're all boys.

846
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:53,490
Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out.
I didn't even pay for that one yet.

847
01:01:53,620 --> 01:01:57,490
Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle
with that car as we're gonna be with you.

848
01:01:57,750 --> 01:02:00,330
Real sound. Come on, what you say?

849
01:02:04,410 --> 01:02:06,240
-Okay. Okay.
-Alright.

850
01:02:06,410 --> 01:02:10,990
The keys are in the car, but hurry back.
My friends aren't gonna believe this!

851
01:02:11,410 --> 01:02:13,870
-Know what? You just bring them too.
-Really?

852
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,160
Sure. And don't forget your camera.

853
01:02:16,580 --> 01:02:18,410
Really?

854
01:02:23,750 --> 01:02:27,740
-You got a full tank of gas in here?
-Please, be careful with it. Please!

855
01:02:29,370 --> 01:02:31,240
(I'll be real gentle)

856
01:03:01,790 --> 01:03:04,290
What do you want, Ching-Chong man?

857
01:03:11,850 --> 01:03:13,580
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

858
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,490
Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em.
By the way, can you split that for me?

859
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:22,240
Thank you.

860
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,790
I'll be there in a minute!

861
01:03:54,020 --> 01:03:56,580
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

862
01:04:06,370 --> 01:04:11,240
That was wonderful. You're great. Can you
stay for dinner and meet my parents?

863
01:04:13,500 --> 01:04:16,120
That was so great! What's your name?

864
01:04:17,250 --> 01:04:20,240
Hey, we got a race to finish.
A million bucks!

865
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:22,250
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

866
01:04:22,750 --> 01:04:24,540
He can stay for dinner, too!

867
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:31,200
Dammit! The race is gonna be over,
if they don't get their buns out here soon.

868
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:38,160
Golly! They changed their clothes.

869
01:04:40,750 --> 01:04:44,080
-You think we've gone too far?
-Probably.

870
01:04:46,620 --> 01:04:48,990
Let's go for it.

871
01:04:49,250 --> 01:04:52,790
You know, General? I bet this mission
is so secret you had 'em do this

872
01:04:52,910 --> 01:04:55,330
so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em.

873
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:05,490
We got a six-pack and some
chilli-dogs for the trip.

874
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,240
I got one for you and one for... "him".

875
01:05:22,620 --> 01:05:25,290
You've adapted to
civilian life very well.

876
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:33,490
Oh my God! Private...
Walk this way.

877
01:05:36,330 --> 01:05:38,290
Nuns, huh?

878
01:05:41,250 --> 01:05:44,990
-Get in the car.
-Yes, General.

879
01:06:05,410 --> 01:06:09,370
Put that away!
You ain't gonna use it!

880
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,330
To your right, Highness.
To your right.

881
01:06:19,620 --> 01:06:23,290
As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls...

882
01:06:23,870 --> 01:06:26,660
-you grab the money...
-I grab the money?

883
01:06:26,790 --> 01:06:29,370
And I grab the sheik
or what's left of 'em...

884
01:06:29,660 --> 01:06:31,910
-and we head back to Vegas.
-Vegas?!

885
01:06:32,180 --> 01:06:34,037
[CAR PHONE CHIMES]

886
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:37,080
Prince Falafel! Buy what?

887
01:06:38,830 --> 01:06:41,080
Nimitz? What's a Nimitz?

888
01:06:42,660 --> 01:06:45,240
The <i>U.S.S. Nimitz,</i> ah!

889
01:06:45,330 --> 01:06:48,990
I want to buy it!
I want to land my 747s on it!

890
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:53,160
I don't care what it costs. How much?

891
01:06:53,410 --> 01:06:56,910
-Feelin' better now, aren't you?
-I can't hear you! Talk louder!

892
01:06:57,040 --> 01:07:00,620
-I said, you're feeling better now, aren't you?!
-Yes, a thousand thanks!

893
01:07:00,750 --> 01:07:03,330
-No problem! Buy!
-Bye.

894
01:07:14,660 --> 01:07:17,040
-Tighten it up, they're coming! Tighter!
-I tighten it!

895
01:07:17,790 --> 01:07:20,490
Come. Hurry. Here it comes!

896
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:40,290
-Well yeah, you get what you pay for.
-Oh, dammit!

897
01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:43,330
-What now?
-I don't know!

898
01:07:45,250 --> 01:07:48,330
-Well, get out and start smiling.
-Yeah, right.

899
01:08:03,620 --> 01:08:05,990
Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'!

900
01:08:07,120 --> 01:08:08,990
Me neither. I'm just followin' orders.

901
01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:26,990
We were turning about 8 grand when
the gages lit up like a pinball machine.

902
01:08:27,410 --> 01:08:30,290
Yeah, so we propped the hood
and there's oil leaking.

903
01:08:31,540 --> 01:08:33,490
-Right here.
-Mm-hmm.

904
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:36,490
-Does it look bad?
-Not from where I'm standing.

905
01:08:36,790 --> 01:08:41,410
-Oh, can you fix it then?
-Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything!

906
01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:45,240
Oh, yeah?

907
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:00,630
-Hey, sugar?
-Yeah?

908
01:09:00,710 --> 01:09:02,120
What have you got under the hood?

909
01:09:02,580 --> 01:09:05,990
Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor.

910
01:09:06,660 --> 01:09:08,790
-Full house, with a blower.
-Yeah?

911
01:09:08,870 --> 01:09:10,370
She's a sweetheart, isn't she?

912
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:16,490
It sure is hot out here, ain't it?

913
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:19,990
Yeah, it really is.

914
01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:27,740
Why don't you relax, sugar?
Everything's gonna be just fine!

915
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:31,040
I don't think my boss
wanted this to do 120 mph.

916
01:09:31,790 --> 01:09:34,360
-Well, it's doin' it!
-Come on, listen.

917
01:09:34,440 --> 01:09:36,330
Why don't you just take me back and...

918
01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,740
My... Just take me back to my boss...
Oh jeez, am I gonna get it!

919
01:09:46,250 --> 01:09:49,620
What the heck! It's only a job.
Let's go!

920
01:09:50,660 --> 01:09:53,240
And it's gonna be a weekend
you'll never forget.

921
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:01,280
[SIREN]

922
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:06,290
COMPUTER: Attention... Smokie in pursuit.
Attention... Smokie in...

923
01:10:06,370 --> 01:10:08,370
Battle stations!

924
01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:12,490
-Afterburner.
-Roger!

925
01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:17,410
Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1...

926
01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,370
Ignition!

927
01:10:29,750 --> 01:10:32,490
-Turn it off! Turn it off!
-Huh? Hah?

928
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:37,120
Prepare to crash dive!

929
01:10:52,830 --> 01:10:54,050
We just lost it.

930
01:10:54,485 --> 01:10:59,020
[SONAR PINGING]

931
01:11:12,620 --> 01:11:15,240
-Look, beer cans!
-Underwear?

932
01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:18,620
-Now let's give 'em the oil slick.
-Yes, man.

933
01:11:23,620 --> 01:11:26,740
Oil slick... Sorry, fellas.

934
01:11:27,370 --> 01:11:30,660
-We're just doin' our job.
-Yes, sorry.

935
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:34,330
Attention... enemy astern.

936
01:11:34,660 --> 01:11:37,990
-Let's see what's happening. Up the scope.
-Okay.

937
01:11:51,980 --> 01:11:53,950
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

938
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:58,580
-Quiet, please.
-Stand by for depth charge attack.

939
01:12:08,370 --> 01:12:12,290
-Come on. Catch one. Pay attention!
-We've been coming here for five years!

940
01:12:12,410 --> 01:12:13,800
-Five years!
-Without a fish.

941
01:12:13,890 --> 01:12:16,240
-A big one's out there for you, boys.
-You're sure?

942
01:12:16,290 --> 01:12:20,620
Darn right! I saw him jump the other day.
I took a picture, while it was in the air.

943
01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,620
Picture weighed 13 and a half pounds!

944
01:12:24,660 --> 01:12:26,990
I really don't like this guy!

945
01:12:33,850 --> 01:12:35,180
[SPEAKING CHINESE]

946
01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:37,660
Forward all engines.

947
01:12:55,870 --> 01:12:58,490
Come on, just pay attention
to what you're doing.

948
01:13:04,910 --> 01:13:07,160
All ahead full.

949
01:13:11,250 --> 01:13:12,990
-Let him go!
-No!

950
01:13:13,250 --> 01:13:16,370
We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick!

951
01:13:17,250 --> 01:13:19,410
God damn, we're going with him!

952
01:13:26,870 --> 01:13:31,490
-And you haven't seen your family in 2 years?
-No, but I'm not complaining. Duty calls.

953
01:13:32,500 --> 01:13:34,060
-General?
-What?

954
01:13:34,150 --> 01:13:35,990
How long do you think the national emergency

955
01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:39,040
will require the services
of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir?

956
01:13:40,040 --> 01:13:42,740
-I don't know.
-He hasn't seen his family in 2 years.

957
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:46,860
J.J., that is not nice. Truly isn't.

958
01:13:46,940 --> 01:13:49,290
A General's work is never done.

959
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:51,600
-Private.
-Yes, Sir.

960
01:13:51,690 --> 01:13:53,990
I've checked the Geiger counter

961
01:13:54,660 --> 01:13:59,740
and the radioactivity seems to be dropping. I
don't think we need your services anymore.

962
01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:02,740
-Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
-Pull over.

963
01:14:24,660 --> 01:14:28,080
Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered
a great service to this country.

964
01:14:28,540 --> 01:14:32,160
You make me proud to be in the same
army with a man with your character.

965
01:14:33,750 --> 01:14:36,740
I'd like to present you with the
Congressional Medal of Honor.

966
01:14:38,870 --> 01:14:43,160
-<i>This</i> Congressional Medal of Honor?
-<i>That</i> Congressional Medal of Honor.

967
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,410
-That's French.
-I know.

968
01:14:56,290 --> 01:14:59,540
General, for the last 20 years
while I was working in the motor pool

969
01:14:59,620 --> 01:15:02,910
I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give
me a chance to come on a special mission

970
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,790
like this, to serve my country.

971
01:15:18,870 --> 01:15:20,910
Bye, Lyle.

972
01:15:25,150 --> 01:15:26,850
♪ Cannonball ♪

973
01:15:26,880 --> 01:15:28,210
♪ Cannonball ♪

974
01:15:28,250 --> 01:15:30,710
♪ Whoooooooo ♪

975
01:15:30,750 --> 01:15:32,280
♪ Cannonball ♪

976
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,110
♪ Cannonball ♪

977
01:15:34,150 --> 01:15:36,250
♪ Cannonball ♪

978
01:15:37,850 --> 01:15:39,780
♪ Cannonball ♪

979
01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:44,040
-And that's all you have to do, honey.
-Boy, am I sick!

980
01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:48,490
-I ain't never gonna fly with you again!
-Will you shut up and read the instructs

981
01:15:48,540 --> 01:15:51,410
and tell me what it says
about landing this thing?

982
01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:56,990
-It says: lower the flaps.
-Okay, then do it, quickly!

983
01:15:57,120 --> 01:16:00,040
-Where are they?
-Under "F", you idiot!

984
01:16:00,250 --> 01:16:03,240
Well, let's see. There's a "T"
for tabs. Is that any good?

985
01:16:03,290 --> 01:16:05,170
-Fantastic! Pull it!
-Pull what?

986
01:16:05,260 --> 01:16:07,990
-Anything, dummy!
-Okay, Tony!

987
01:16:26,850 --> 01:16:28,780
♪ To look sharp ♪

988
01:16:28,820 --> 01:16:30,210
♪ Da da da da ♪

989
01:16:30,250 --> 01:16:31,780
♪ To feel sharp ♪

990
01:16:31,820 --> 01:16:32,780
♪ Da da da da ♪

991
01:16:33,410 --> 01:16:35,830
I like this song so much,
I bought the company.

992
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:43,330
I don't know why everybody makes such a big
deal about flying. It's a piece of cake.

993
01:16:43,660 --> 01:16:48,120
This better work, Tony. I just called
Don Don, and he's really mad.

994
01:16:49,160 --> 01:16:51,370
Caesar, Caesar...

995
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:56,370
Simplicity is the hallmark of genius.
This cannot miss.

996
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:58,490
Yeah?

997
01:16:59,370 --> 01:17:01,990
Relax, alright?

998
01:17:06,370 --> 01:17:09,490
Damn ulcer's killing me.
You got anything for it?

999
01:17:10,660 --> 01:17:13,790
Charlotte Russe. How delightful.

1000
01:17:15,540 --> 01:17:20,080
Not exactly the Maxim's,
but my compliments to the chef.

1001
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:36,540
A thousand pardons!

1002
01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:43,040
I couldn't help noticing.
Obviously you are a damsel in distress.

1003
01:17:44,080 --> 01:17:49,540
May I be of service to you?
I am the great Prince Abdul-Ben Falafel,

1004
01:17:49,830 --> 01:17:53,410
master of all deserts,
Prince of princes,

1005
01:17:54,250 --> 01:17:57,240
-and one of the world's biggest...
-Yoyos.

1006
01:17:57,500 --> 01:18:00,160
How dare you put a gun to my head!

1007
01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:06,580
As I was saying,
do you come here often?

1008
01:18:11,910 --> 01:18:15,410
I wish you guys would have seen us change
in the bathroom, making this decision.

1009
01:18:15,500 --> 01:18:19,990
Know, what she wanted to do? To put the
nun's habit on and the shorts underneath.

1010
01:18:20,750 --> 01:18:23,330
-And she thought you wouldn't notice.
-I will notice.

1011
01:18:23,580 --> 01:18:27,740
Well, I just didn't want you to be upset
when you found out I wasn't a nun.

1012
01:18:29,330 --> 01:18:31,990
You're not?

1013
01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:38,330
-I'm not even a Catholic.
-Well, nobody's perfect.

1014
01:18:40,540 --> 01:18:43,740
-May I?
-Oh, I been waitin' for this.

1015
01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:59,910
-Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket.
-Yeah, it's always the jerk in back

1016
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,910
-giving the orders.
-Yeah.

1017
01:19:05,620 --> 01:19:07,370
Pardon me, Sir, we're...

1018
01:19:15,830 --> 01:19:19,240
-You know what that is, back there?
-Damn right! It's a chimp!

1019
01:19:19,870 --> 01:19:23,740
Listen to me. See that dark glass?
Don't look!

1020
01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:26,910
You know who's behind
that glass filming us?

1021
01:19:27,120 --> 01:19:29,740
Allen Funt.
We're on <i>Candid Camera!</i>

1022
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,240
Come on, it's our chance! Come on!

1023
01:19:33,540 --> 01:19:36,370
Stand right here so they
can see you. Stand right here.

1024
01:19:37,750 --> 01:19:39,990
Pardon me, Sir.
I'd like to see your license...

1025
01:19:45,580 --> 01:19:49,160
Oh God, I wonder what the
penalty is for assaulting a police officer.

1026
01:19:49,870 --> 01:19:52,620
He's not gonna make a monkey out of me!

1027
01:19:53,660 --> 01:19:55,580
You're okay? Don't make him mad!

1028
01:20:01,580 --> 01:20:05,740
I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just
wondered if I could say hello to my mother?

1029
01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:14,330
This is working great. Let's go sing.
Come on, before they go.

1030
01:20:14,980 --> 01:20:17,110
♪ By the light ♪

1031
01:20:17,150 --> 01:20:20,920
♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

1032
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,330
Let's get the hell outta here!

1033
01:20:26,080 --> 01:20:27,270
Hey, Mr. Funt!

1034
01:20:27,350 --> 01:20:30,490
-Aren't we supposed to sign a release?
-Oh, shut up!

1035
01:20:35,790 --> 01:20:39,410
Oh, listen! Look! Hold it!
Look, Cannonballers ahead of us!

1036
01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:51,240
Alright, what the hell happened?

1037
01:20:51,500 --> 01:20:56,740
Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when
suddenly I saw one of the cat people.

1038
01:20:57,120 --> 01:20:59,620
-Beautiful body was...
-Now, we have a slight problem.

1039
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:03,370
Two hoods. They parted
with the Sheik and the money.

1040
01:21:03,450 --> 01:21:04,400
How that happen?

1041
01:21:04,480 --> 01:21:07,120
She was hitchhiking in a leopard
coat and as we approached

1042
01:21:07,290 --> 01:21:12,020
-she flashed and we stopped.
-[SPEAKING CHINESE]

1043
01:21:15,910 --> 01:21:19,160
He's right. Who else knew
the million was in the sheik's trunk?

1044
01:21:29,250 --> 01:21:31,980
I think you two guys have
got something to tell us.

1045
01:21:32,060 --> 01:21:33,740
-Right?
-Right.

1046
01:21:36,500 --> 01:21:39,240
J.J, let me explain to you
as briefly as I can.

1047
01:21:39,660 --> 01:21:44,540
Here's what happened. We owed the guys in
Vegas a little chump change. Nothing really.

1048
01:21:44,790 --> 01:21:47,740
So they sent down some
torpedoes to collect.

1049
01:21:49,620 --> 01:21:53,660
-And you told 'em about the Sheik.
-It was tell 'em or else.

1050
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:58,120
-Who were these guys?
-The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas.

1051
01:21:58,250 --> 01:22:02,040
-Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys.
-We can't just go get these guys!

1052
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:04,150
-Why?
-They hold up at the Pinto Ranch.

1053
01:22:04,230 --> 01:22:06,740
And that's guarded like Fort Knox.

1054
01:22:06,790 --> 01:22:09,370
Wait a minute.
Maybe "him" can get through.

1055
01:22:09,580 --> 01:22:14,080
Maybe "him" can get "himself"
killed and take you with "him".

1056
01:22:14,790 --> 01:22:18,410
-"Him" is open for other suggestions.
-What's happening? What's going on here?

1057
01:22:18,830 --> 01:22:24,660
Gaped at her naked body glistening in the
hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down...

1058
01:22:25,290 --> 01:22:28,830
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll go to the King.

1059
01:22:29,290 --> 01:22:31,660
No, no. The sheik's father hates him.

1060
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:35,990
Hey, he's not the only king.
We have royalty in this country, too.

1061
01:22:36,870 --> 01:22:39,120
He'll see you guys.

1062
01:22:52,250 --> 01:22:54,410
Sit on this.

1063
01:22:56,330 --> 01:22:58,100
How did you enjoy the Halloween party?

1064
01:22:58,190 --> 01:23:00,990
-What a guy he is.
-What a guy!

1065
01:23:02,250 --> 01:23:07,120
-Alright. How much this time?
-Frank, you know. It's never for ourselves.

1066
01:23:09,500 --> 01:23:13,080
-Not this time, Frank.
-And who asked you to sit down? Get up!

1067
01:23:16,580 --> 01:23:18,830
-Mr. Sinatra...
-You may call me Frank.

1068
01:23:19,540 --> 01:23:22,240
-I can call him Frank.
-Not yet.

1069
01:23:22,410 --> 01:23:25,870
I'll let you know when you can.
Not exactly now, but I'll let you know.

1070
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,410
-What can I call you?
-Call me sir.

1071
01:23:29,370 --> 01:23:35,040
-Call him Sir.
-I got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers.

1072
01:23:35,660 --> 01:23:37,830
-What?
-Cannonballers.

1073
01:23:39,370 --> 01:23:41,330
Oh, wait a minute...

1074
01:23:41,750 --> 01:23:44,240
I've been lonely as much as you have,
from time to time.

1075
01:23:44,870 --> 01:23:49,240
-Come on.
-That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir.

1076
01:23:50,080 --> 01:23:53,290
You see, the Cannonball is a race
from California to Connecticut.

1077
01:23:53,370 --> 01:23:55,650
We have lots of fun.
But the Sheik...

1078
01:23:55,730 --> 01:23:56,990
-Sheik?
-Yes.

1079
01:23:57,250 --> 01:23:59,060
-With the blue Rolls Royce.
-Who is he?

1080
01:23:59,140 --> 01:24:00,690
Did I ever sing for him
in London, you think?

1081
01:24:00,830 --> 01:24:03,490
We can't even pronounce his name.
You see, they kidnapped him

1082
01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:07,040
and they took $1 million out of the trunk
of his car. That's why we came to you.

1083
01:24:07,790 --> 01:24:12,160
-Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBI?
-Who taught the FBI?

1084
01:24:15,580 --> 01:24:18,080
Okay, alright. Who snatched him?

1085
01:24:18,410 --> 01:24:20,620
Oh, the Cannellonis.

1086
01:24:23,080 --> 01:24:24,990
I got an idea.

1087
01:24:25,120 --> 01:24:29,120
I got a trio that I use in my act and this
bum's been trying to steal it for months.

1088
01:24:32,410 --> 01:24:34,790
Dorothy, get me Don Don.

1089
01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:41,580
They must be terrific for Frank
to recommend them personally.

1090
01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:45,660
I guarantee you have never seen
anything like this in your whole...

1091
01:24:45,790 --> 01:24:48,410
I'm not saying this,
just because I'm their agent.

1092
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:53,120
You know, I just love auditioning
new talent. I get all excited.

1093
01:24:53,950 --> 01:24:55,010
♪ Stop ♪

1094
01:24:55,050 --> 01:24:57,980
♪ In the name of love ♪

1095
01:24:58,020 --> 01:25:03,220
♪ Before you break
my heart ♪

1096
01:25:10,650 --> 01:25:13,210
♪ Baby, baby,
I’m aware ♪

1097
01:25:13,250 --> 01:25:14,350
♪ Of where you go ♪

1098
01:25:14,380 --> 01:25:18,080
♪ Each time
you leave my door ♪

1099
01:25:18,120 --> 01:25:22,350
♪ I watch you
walk down the street ♪

1100
01:25:22,380 --> 01:25:25,910
♪ Knowing your other
love you meet ♪

1101
01:25:25,950 --> 01:25:27,680
♪ But this time... ♪

1102
01:25:28,080 --> 01:25:31,870
-Come on, what's the matter?
-They are a little short on looks.

1103
01:25:32,080 --> 01:25:35,660
But didn't you notice the nice
unison? The way they dance?

1104
01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:42,580
♪ Think it over ♪

1105
01:25:43,150 --> 01:25:44,750
♪ I've known of your ♪

1106
01:25:44,780 --> 01:25:47,080
♪ Your secluded nights ♪

1107
01:25:47,120 --> 01:25:49,110
♪ I've even seen her ♪

1108
01:25:49,150 --> 01:25:50,750
♪ Maybe once or twice ♪

1109
01:25:51,550 --> 01:25:53,620
-♪ But is her sweet expression ♪
-They're fabulous.

1110
01:25:55,120 --> 01:25:59,850
♪ Worth more than
my loving affection? ♪

1111
01:25:59,880 --> 01:26:00,880
♪ But this time ♪

1112
01:26:00,920 --> 01:26:03,810
♪ Before you
leave my arms ♪

1113
01:26:03,850 --> 01:26:07,050
♪ And rush off
to her charms ♪

1114
01:26:07,080 --> 01:26:08,050
♪ Think it over ♪

1115
01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:11,580
♪ Haven't I been
good to you? ♪

1116
01:26:11,620 --> 01:26:12,650
♪ Think it over ♪

1117
01:26:12,680 --> 01:26:16,350
♪ Haven't I been
sweet to you? ♪

1118
01:26:16,380 --> 01:26:18,750
♪ Stop ♪

1119
01:26:23,290 --> 01:26:26,910
Frank ain't no dummy.
I can't sing...

1120
01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:30,740
but even I can follow that act.

1121
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:36,660
[FALSETTO] Thank you.

1122
01:26:45,250 --> 01:26:47,660
Girls, you're hired!
You're hired, girls! You're hired!

1123
01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:52,160
You all have life... lifetime
contracts here at the Pinto Ranch.

1124
01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:55,240
I'll just have to move
someplace else... Now, girls!

1125
01:26:55,620 --> 01:26:59,740
Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms
and powder your noses... a lot!

1126
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:03,410
Absolutely wonderful. Frank certainly
knows his stuff! Just wonderful.

1127
01:27:08,160 --> 01:27:10,490
Bad news.

1128
01:27:26,830 --> 01:27:30,380
Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne?
Is that one word or two?

1129
01:27:30,470 --> 01:27:31,460
-Two.
-Three.

1130
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:34,240
Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise!

1131
01:27:40,500 --> 01:27:43,040
Uh, what a pleasant surprise...

1132
01:27:43,410 --> 01:27:47,830
Hey! I said I'd be here in 24 hours.
Therefore...

1133
01:27:48,330 --> 01:27:52,990
it ain't no surprise. And it ain't
gonna be pleasant either. May I?

1134
01:27:55,410 --> 01:27:57,330
Oh my God...

1135
01:28:10,750 --> 01:28:14,240
-What are these three bow-wows?
-It's our new lounge act.

1136
01:28:14,330 --> 01:28:18,240
What do they do? Scare the
audience to death? ...That's funny!

1137
01:28:20,330 --> 01:28:22,540
Mr. Hymie?

1138
01:28:24,410 --> 01:28:25,610
You girls ever hear of Nair?

1139
01:28:25,700 --> 01:28:27,580
-We're working on it.
-Huh?

1140
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:30,620
Our doctor has us on hormones.

1141
01:28:31,540 --> 01:28:35,490
Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion,
because I think he's over-prescribing.

1142
01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,790
Hi, I'm Laverne.

1143
01:28:38,880 --> 01:28:41,150
[CRUNCH]

1144
01:28:45,540 --> 01:28:47,990
Get me those hormones.

1145
01:28:49,540 --> 01:28:52,540
Alright, Dumb-Dumb.
Where's my nine large?

1146
01:28:55,250 --> 01:28:58,620
One million dollars, Hymie.
And the rest is in escrow

1147
01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:01,790
in a bank in downtown Las Vegas.

1148
01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:06,160
I'm gonna consider this
interest only, alright?

1149
01:29:07,410 --> 01:29:13,790
Now, you have the principal by tomorrow,
or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas.

1150
01:29:16,410 --> 01:29:20,240
-Girls... so long.
-Bye, Mr. Hymie.

1151
01:29:22,750 --> 01:29:25,740
Excuse me...
You have a Ladies' restroom?

1152
01:29:25,870 --> 01:29:27,400
Yes, it says "Cowgirls".

1153
01:29:27,490 --> 01:29:29,290
-It's the second door on the left.
-On the left.

1154
01:29:29,500 --> 01:29:34,080
Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said.
I presume they'll have their own wardrobe?

1155
01:29:38,500 --> 01:29:40,580
-Tits up!
-Alright.

1156
01:29:43,750 --> 01:29:47,870
-Mr. Hymie!
-That Laverne comes near me, waste her!

1157
01:29:50,250 --> 01:29:53,370
We were just wondering if you could
give us a little advice on our careers.

1158
01:29:53,580 --> 01:29:56,290
Oh, yeah! Get out of show business.

1159
01:29:57,120 --> 01:29:58,660
Now!

1160
01:30:01,500 --> 01:30:04,240
We got the money!

1161
01:30:04,750 --> 01:30:07,160
Hide! Somebody's coming!

1162
01:30:17,540 --> 01:30:19,670
-Your purses.
-Oh, good. We got the money!

1163
01:30:19,750 --> 01:30:21,410
-Oh, let's go!
-No, no!

1164
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:23,740
We gotta save the Sheik!

1165
01:30:23,820 --> 01:30:25,580
-Come on.
-Alright.

1166
01:30:29,750 --> 01:30:34,660
Hi, I was wondering if you gentlemen will
be kind enough to help me with my luggage?

1167
01:30:37,370 --> 01:30:39,790
Man, those three broads
got a case of the uglies.

1168
01:30:39,870 --> 01:30:44,810
-Let the boss not hear you say that.
-[PUNCHES]

1169
01:30:46,120 --> 01:30:49,370
It's torture, I tell you.
Torture! Please. Please!

1170
01:30:49,500 --> 01:30:50,670
Hey, it's got a lock on it.

1171
01:30:50,760 --> 01:30:52,160
-Break it down.
-Come on.

1172
01:30:52,830 --> 01:30:55,490
Ladies, at one, two, three!

1173
01:30:58,790 --> 01:31:02,370
More Ladies! My beauties,
you must wait your turn.

1174
01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:04,830
There is only so much water
in the fountain.

1175
01:31:05,540 --> 01:31:06,810
Sheik, it's us!

1176
01:31:06,900 --> 01:31:09,990
-We're not girls!
-How dare you?

1177
01:31:10,040 --> 01:31:13,240
It is out of the question!
Allah will only forgive so much!

1178
01:31:13,370 --> 01:31:14,920
Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on.

1179
01:31:15,010 --> 01:31:17,240
-Let's get outta here.
-I don't want to go!

1180
01:31:18,080 --> 01:31:19,630
I've tried everything, but...

1181
01:31:19,710 --> 01:31:21,740
-Get me out of this.
-This is something.

1182
01:31:21,830 --> 01:31:25,040
-Can I take this with me?
-Okay with me. Come, tickle!

1183
01:31:26,870 --> 01:31:29,140
-I'm terribly sorry.
-Now, listen to me.

1184
01:31:29,220 --> 01:31:31,870
If these three uglies
get away with my million

1185
01:31:32,370 --> 01:31:36,330
Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna
owe me a big favor. You know why?

1186
01:31:36,500 --> 01:31:38,650
-No.
-Because I'm gonna kill you.

1187
01:31:38,730 --> 01:31:42,370
And then... he's gonna kill you.
And then he's gonna kill you.

1188
01:31:42,620 --> 01:31:45,830
-And then he's gonna kill you!
-Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie.

1189
01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:49,040
You see, they cannot escape.
There's no way out of here.

1190
01:31:49,120 --> 01:31:51,740
You are totally secure!

1191
01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:56,240
However, I'm very shaky.

1192
01:32:01,500 --> 01:32:04,410
-Open!
-Oh, shit! You got the key?

1193
01:32:04,620 --> 01:32:05,560
Maybe.

1194
01:32:05,640 --> 01:32:08,160
-You ungrateful putz!
-Hold it!

1195
01:32:14,410 --> 01:32:16,740
The three little pigs!

1196
01:32:25,330 --> 01:32:27,240
Get me somebody to hide behind!

1197
01:32:30,620 --> 01:32:34,080
This is it, boys. Remember the rules...

1198
01:32:34,750 --> 01:32:38,160
-No rules!
-You heard him. Absolutely no rules!

1199
01:32:38,500 --> 01:32:42,240
I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
There won't be any witnesses.

1200
01:32:42,830 --> 01:32:45,080
No witnesses?

1201
01:32:46,870 --> 01:32:49,330
J.J., they're all around us. I...

1202
01:33:12,160 --> 01:33:14,910
-My money or your life.
-Money!

1203
01:33:16,160 --> 01:33:18,990
-He's got the money.
-Ha... He's got the money.

1204
01:33:20,660 --> 01:33:21,990
J.J.

1205
01:33:27,540 --> 01:33:30,380
Hey, did you see that picture where
the bad guys get their last request?

1206
01:33:30,620 --> 01:33:32,810
-Yeah.
-Well, some time on the late show.

1207
01:33:32,900 --> 01:33:34,080
It was really a good movie.

1208
01:33:35,750 --> 01:33:38,790
A last meal perhaps?
You could lay a little BBQ on us.

1209
01:33:38,910 --> 01:33:41,660
You know, something that you
would go over the coals with?

1210
01:33:42,330 --> 01:33:45,040
I'll have some quiche.
And a little chocolate mousse.

1211
01:33:46,290 --> 01:33:49,080
Er, Shish kebab...
No, no. Couscous.

1212
01:33:50,040 --> 01:33:51,490
Friggin' chickasee?

1213
01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:55,080
Chicken fricasse...

1214
01:33:55,830 --> 01:33:58,160
-And you?
-I'd like a wine list.

1215
01:34:00,040 --> 01:34:03,120
Where I'm sending you, baby,
everything's on the menu.

1216
01:34:22,160 --> 01:34:23,740
We're saved!

1217
01:34:32,250 --> 01:34:34,240
Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn!

1218
01:34:40,660 --> 01:34:42,330
Hi there!

1219
01:34:50,750 --> 01:34:52,580
Surprise!

1220
01:34:57,000 --> 01:34:58,740
You too!

1221
01:35:00,660 --> 01:35:03,160
Any questions, boys?

1222
01:35:09,330 --> 01:35:12,080
-Do you mind a personal remark?
-No, of course not!

1223
01:35:12,250 --> 01:35:14,410
That is absolutely gorgeous!

1224
01:35:16,410 --> 01:35:18,490
Hey, one's getting away!

1225
01:35:20,830 --> 01:35:24,240
-I got him.
-I'll guard your back. Be careful and watch out!

1226
01:35:24,290 --> 01:35:26,620
No problem. I'll be right back!

1227
01:35:34,250 --> 01:35:36,910
You're okay? Must be
a pretty tough guy up there.

1228
01:35:37,040 --> 01:35:39,790
-Maybe I should take care of this one.
-He's all yours.

1229
01:35:44,160 --> 01:35:46,580
I think, he's over his head this time.

1230
01:36:01,370 --> 01:36:04,870
-Hey! You look like an athlete.
-Wow, thank you. I was an athlete.

1231
01:36:05,000 --> 01:36:06,830
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah, I was...

1232
01:36:08,040 --> 01:36:09,640
Oh, then you can
probably handle yourself.

1233
01:36:09,730 --> 01:36:12,620
-You're in danger.
-I'll protect you, Sister.

1234
01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:15,490
Four, five, six, seven...

1235
01:36:16,910 --> 01:36:18,410
Next!

1236
01:36:22,620 --> 01:36:25,870
Oh, don't do that to me again.
This is just beautiful!

1237
01:36:26,000 --> 01:36:27,110
That's European, isn't it?

1238
01:36:27,200 --> 01:36:29,040
-But of course.
-Absolutely stunning!

1239
01:36:29,750 --> 01:36:31,660
That's enough. That's enough!

1240
01:36:34,290 --> 01:36:36,490
-A thousand thanks, Sisters!
-Bless you, my friend.

1241
01:36:42,290 --> 01:36:44,120
Over there! Yeah!

1242
01:36:44,250 --> 01:36:47,580
Come on, you brat. You pervert!

1243
01:36:47,830 --> 01:36:50,240
Hey, how do you like this
for a hose job?

1244
01:36:56,000 --> 01:36:58,240
Oh yeah? Salute!

1245
01:36:59,660 --> 01:37:03,660
-Hello, Chaos!
-Look J.J., a flower! Nice, huh?

1246
01:37:04,000 --> 01:37:05,740
See ya!

1247
01:37:07,250 --> 01:37:10,990
And I figured that 30,000 we owe you...
This will more than take care of it.

1248
01:37:12,410 --> 01:37:15,120
-May I buy you a drink? Cherie!
-Yes.

1249
01:37:15,660 --> 01:37:18,790
Cherie!? I guess everyone...
They seem to be so busy!

1250
01:37:23,540 --> 01:37:24,740
That was fun, J.J!

1251
01:37:28,250 --> 01:37:30,540
-Get those guys!
-You got it.

1252
01:37:31,120 --> 01:37:33,410
Fly, baby! Fly!

1253
01:37:34,540 --> 01:37:37,990
Help is on the way!
Justice will triumph!

1254
01:37:40,870 --> 01:37:44,240
Sorry, bad guys! Carry on.

1255
01:37:44,870 --> 01:37:47,030
Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there.

1256
01:37:47,110 --> 01:37:49,080
-You need any help here?
-Yes. Inject that.

1257
01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:53,240
Fine. Oh, the plague!
I've seen this before...

1258
01:38:04,330 --> 01:38:08,240
No, Jackie! J.J...
Cannonball... You got it!

1259
01:38:20,250 --> 01:38:22,410
-Friend or foe?
-Have a guess!

1260
01:38:25,250 --> 01:38:26,960
-It's a bird.
-It's a plane.

1261
01:38:27,040 --> 01:38:28,660
It's Hymie!

1262
01:38:37,500 --> 01:38:39,990
Would you hold this for me, please?
I would like to really...

1263
01:38:40,080 --> 01:38:43,660
get a good look at that ring again.
It's truly lovely.

1264
01:38:48,080 --> 01:38:49,620
Oh my God...

1265
01:38:57,540 --> 01:38:59,830
oh, look...

1266
01:39:00,250 --> 01:39:04,540
-J.J., it's a vision.
-No... No, it's us.

1267
01:39:09,620 --> 01:39:12,040
Oh, Sister Betty.

1268
01:39:12,500 --> 01:39:15,830
-"Him" didn't know you had that in you.
-"Him" will.

1269
01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:19,370
We're here to help you win!

1270
01:39:19,870 --> 01:39:21,740
-Did you miss me?
-So much...

1271
01:39:21,830 --> 01:39:24,620
Oh thanks. A little more than that?

1272
01:39:25,250 --> 01:39:27,990
I'm glad you missed me that much!

1273
01:39:28,790 --> 01:39:30,990
All these wonderful gals!

1274
01:39:32,500 --> 01:39:34,580
Fenderbaum!

1275
01:39:36,330 --> 01:39:38,990
Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun.

1276
01:39:42,330 --> 01:39:46,040
Fenderbaum! What are you
doing with my partner?

1277
01:39:46,500 --> 01:39:48,330
-Partner?
-Partner?

1278
01:39:48,500 --> 01:39:52,160
Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch!

1279
01:39:52,580 --> 01:39:54,040
Yes!

1280
01:39:55,620 --> 01:39:59,160
And why not?
I have a weakness for blondes...

1281
01:39:59,370 --> 01:40:02,240
and women without mustaches.

1282
01:40:04,500 --> 01:40:10,370
Before you do any hiring you tell
your partner about your liabilities.

1283
01:40:10,500 --> 01:40:12,910
You know, you have a very big mouth!

1284
01:40:14,330 --> 01:40:16,580
-My sheik!
-My partner!

1285
01:40:16,790 --> 01:40:20,080
My Sheik, I will need
just a little operating capital.

1286
01:40:20,660 --> 01:40:22,410
How much?

1287
01:40:23,540 --> 01:40:27,120
-Nine million dollars?
-Nine million?

1288
01:40:27,370 --> 01:40:30,870
A drop in the well!
I will give you 18 million.

1289
01:40:31,000 --> 01:40:35,080
-That way you will have some petty cash!
-Thank you, my sheik. Where are you going?

1290
01:40:35,750 --> 01:40:38,040
To win the race!

1291
01:40:38,500 --> 01:40:42,740
To share in my good fortune
with my fellow Cannonballers

1292
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:47,990
I have decided to raise the
prize money to two million dollars!

1293
01:40:49,790 --> 01:40:52,740
-How many zeros is in that?
-I don't know!

1294
01:40:53,870 --> 01:40:54,870
We'll split it three ways?

1295
01:40:54,950 --> 01:40:57,990
-Yeah!
-Come, my sweethearts, we go!

1296
01:41:07,290 --> 01:41:09,290
Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake!
Come here a minute!

1297
01:41:10,000 --> 01:41:12,410
What is it, Frank?
Can't you see we're busy?

1298
01:41:12,540 --> 01:41:16,026
I know that. That's why I want to get
to head start. See you in Connecticut.

1299
01:41:16,735 --> 01:41:18,050
<i>♪ Floor on the accelerator ♪</i>

1300
01:41:18,080 --> 01:41:20,010
<i>♪ I'm going in search
of your love ♪</i>

1301
01:41:20,050 --> 01:41:23,210
<i>♪ You are the end
of my way ♪</i>

1302
01:41:23,250 --> 01:41:27,610
<i>♪ I'm in a hurry to get there
I can't deviate ♪</i>

1303
01:41:27,650 --> 01:41:31,580
<i>♪ There is no distance
to be with you ♪</i>

1304
01:41:31,620 --> 01:41:35,580
<i>♪ You have the license
to guide my love ♪</i>

1305
01:41:35,620 --> 01:41:39,110
<i>♪ You drive me crazy with your magic,
your smile ♪</i>

1306
01:41:39,150 --> 01:41:43,050
<i>♪ Your face haunts me,
in the rearview mirror ♪</i>

1307
01:41:43,080 --> 01:41:50,080
<i>♪ And your memory shakes me
as strong as Cannonball ♪</i>

1308
01:41:51,250 --> 01:41:55,110
<i>♪ Like Cannonball ♪</i>

1309
01:41:55,150 --> 01:41:57,980
<i>♪ Like Cannonball ♪</i>

1310
01:41:59,180 --> 01:42:02,780
<i>♪ Like Cannonball ♪</i>

1311
01:42:02,820 --> 01:42:07,250
<i>♪ I follow a shooting star
I can't stay behind ♪</i>

1312
01:42:07,280 --> 01:42:11,850
<i>♪ You are the route
What did I choose...♪</i>

1313
01:42:12,750 --> 01:42:17,490
Oh, so sorry. You are average
player. Please try again later.

1314
01:42:19,050 --> 01:42:23,110
<i>♪ You have the license
to guide my love ♪</i>

1315
01:42:23,150 --> 01:42:26,850
<i>♪ You drive me crazy with your magic,
your smile ♪</i>

1316
01:42:26,880 --> 01:42:30,910
<i>♪ Your face haunts me,
in the rearview mirror ♪</i>

1317
01:42:30,950 --> 01:42:33,080
<i>♪ And your memory
it shivers me ♪</i>

1318
01:42:33,120 --> 01:42:38,050
<i>♪ U-u so strong
like Cannonball ♪</i>

1319
01:42:38,780 --> 01:42:43,020
<i>♪ Como Cannonball... ♪</i>

1320
01:42:46,620 --> 01:42:50,540
You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't
examine you with all this movin' around.

1321
01:42:50,620 --> 01:42:56,290
I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep
me alive until we reach Connecticut!

1322
01:43:05,160 --> 01:43:07,830
So much for Abdul...

1323
01:43:08,580 --> 01:43:12,490
It's money in the bank,
I tell you. A million bucks!

1324
01:43:12,660 --> 01:43:15,540
The whole of a million bucks apiece!

1325
01:43:21,620 --> 01:43:25,330
-That's Frank.
-Where'd he learn to drive like that?

1326
01:43:25,580 --> 01:43:27,910
I don't know, but don't let him pass us!

1327
01:43:28,250 --> 01:43:30,740
-Floor it!
-It's floored!

1328
01:43:31,290 --> 01:43:34,330
Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby!
Hi there!

1329
01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:37,990
Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen,
whoever gets to the finish line first

1330
01:43:38,250 --> 01:43:40,490
we split it 50/50, okay?

1331
01:43:42,000 --> 01:43:43,370
70/30

1332
01:43:44,870 --> 01:43:47,370
How about 10%?

1333
01:43:47,870 --> 01:43:49,290
Forget it.

1334
01:43:50,380 --> 01:43:53,080
<i>♪ Cannonball ♪</i>

1335
01:43:53,120 --> 01:43:57,180
<i>♪ Fuerte como Cannonball ♪</i>

1336
01:43:57,220 --> 01:44:04,320
<i>♪ Como Cannonball
fuerte como Cannonball ♪</i>

1337
01:44:05,750 --> 01:44:09,580
<i>♪ Como Cannonball ♪</i>

1338
01:44:13,000 --> 01:44:15,790
Forget it, guys!
You're four hours and 15 martinis late!

1339
01:44:15,870 --> 01:44:18,990
Better go in the bar and get gassed up,
'cause you're racing back tomorrow...

1340
01:44:19,330 --> 01:44:23,160
-at noon!
-Park it. I'll see you in the bar.

1341
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:27,330
Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow
and we'll be back in four days.

1342
01:44:27,580 --> 01:44:31,370
Then Atlantic City and a
weekend you'll never forget.

1343
01:44:31,500 --> 01:44:35,040
Once again you have brought
shame and disgrace to our tribe

1344
01:44:35,160 --> 01:44:39,240
-by not winning the Cannonball Run.
-But Pop, there was this doctor in the car.

1345
01:44:39,370 --> 01:44:41,910
-He gave me a... It was kismet.
-I warn you!

1346
01:44:42,120 --> 01:44:45,290
Tomorrow's race is the last
Cannonball I am financing.

1347
01:44:45,410 --> 01:44:47,990
If you do not win,
do not bother to come home.

1348
01:44:48,080 --> 01:44:50,830
Pop, don't worry. I can't lose!

1349
01:44:51,040 --> 01:44:55,870
I have hired the winner of this Cannonball
to be my co-driver in the next one.

1350
01:44:56,250 --> 01:45:00,240
I'd like you to meet him. I have
told him so much about you, Pop.

1351
01:45:03,500 --> 01:45:07,540
Excuse me, Sir.
I'd like you to meet my Pop!

1352
01:45:26,080 --> 01:45:29,910
The Cannonball is a race from California
to Connecticut. We have lots of fun.

1353
01:45:30,000 --> 01:45:33,080
And then... The Sheik... What they...

1354
01:45:33,750 --> 01:45:36,620
I can get this. Just a minute.
I can do it. Wait a minute.

1355
01:45:37,080 --> 01:45:39,740
-And... From the slap?
-We'll start from the slap.

1356
01:45:40,330 --> 01:45:42,370
Sir! Er...

1357
01:45:45,830 --> 01:45:48,540
Just pick it up right from the slap.

1358
01:45:50,040 --> 01:45:51,790
Sir!

1359
01:45:51,870 --> 01:45:55,910
Sorry, we get this in a minute.
It's alright. We get it. Here we go.

1360
01:45:56,290 --> 01:45:59,079
Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race

1361
01:45:59,080 --> 01:46:01,240
from Connecticut to your ass.

1362
01:46:15,750 --> 01:46:18,990
Now, if your mother
could kiss like that...

1363
01:46:19,330 --> 01:46:22,120
We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh?

1364
01:46:24,620 --> 01:46:27,080
Is that what you want? You got it.

1365
01:46:27,250 --> 01:46:28,420
-You got it.
-I don't trust you.

1366
01:46:28,510 --> 01:46:31,240
No, you got it, I swear.
I'm just gonna place it.

1367
01:46:34,160 --> 01:46:37,330
Oh shit, if I wasn't getting
a lot of money...

1368
01:46:38,120 --> 01:46:41,370
-Don't get it from the ground.
-Where might I gonna get it from?

1369
01:46:41,500 --> 01:46:44,240
Get it from here. This is fresh.

1370
01:46:44,660 --> 01:46:47,740
-There'll be a mound here.
-I got fresh stuff here.

1371
01:46:47,830 --> 01:46:51,790
Nobody's ever peed on this.
I'm just gonna place it.

1372
01:46:55,620 --> 01:46:58,330
How animals live on this shit?

1373
01:47:20,290 --> 01:47:24,370
Listen, if we have these nuns
God will be our co-pilot.

1374
01:47:24,750 --> 01:47:27,910
I don't care. You listen to me.
Listen to me.

1375
01:47:30,790 --> 01:47:33,080
We're not taking those nuns along.

1376
01:47:36,080 --> 01:47:39,040
What is the matter with you?
I can't work like this!

1377
01:47:40,790 --> 01:47:43,670
-She's winking at me.
-Hold there.

1378
01:47:43,750 --> 01:47:45,240
She's to wave.

1379
01:47:45,290 --> 01:47:47,400
-Alright. Okay.
-I have no protection.

1380
01:47:47,480 --> 01:47:50,740
-She is... Godammit...
-Pick it up.

1381
01:47:51,620 --> 01:47:55,410
-Lepers? New York?
-No: "Lepers? Big Apple?"

1382
01:47:56,620 --> 01:47:59,370
I order you...

1383
01:48:02,830 --> 01:48:06,620
-J.J! Long time no see.
-Captain Chaos, nice to see you again.

1384
01:48:08,120 --> 01:48:09,160
Would you do it again?

1385
01:48:09,250 --> 01:48:10,740
-Yeah, certainly.
-Here we go.

1386
01:48:17,660 --> 01:48:20,290
Keep it rollin'. Here we go.

1387
01:48:24,540 --> 01:48:26,110
-J.J!
-Captain Chaos!

1388
01:48:26,200 --> 01:48:27,740
-Long time no see.
-Good to see you again.

1389
01:48:27,870 --> 01:48:29,160
-Good to see you!
-Listen...

1390
01:48:29,250 --> 01:48:31,240
I'd deem it a personal pruverage...
privilege,

1391
01:48:31,370 --> 01:48:35,240
if I can get in that bomb and get my teeth
fixed. Turn around, let's start again.

1392
01:48:38,540 --> 01:48:40,040
-J.J!
-Captain Chaos.

1393
01:48:40,130 --> 01:48:42,160
-Long time no see.
-Good to see you again.

1394
01:48:42,830 --> 01:48:45,660
I'd deem it a privilege
you let me ride in the bomb.

1395
01:48:46,160 --> 01:48:49,740
Did you understand that at all?
Just turn around and let me do it again.

1396
01:48:53,750 --> 01:48:56,620
Listen, isn't somebody gonna say "Cut"?